


A heart never stops beating

by laddyuna



Category: Final Fantasy VIII
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Children, F/M, Friendship, Illnesses, M/M, Minor Character Death, One Shot, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-14 17:53:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18481354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laddyuna/pseuds/laddyuna
Summary: Ten years have passed. Zell must do a painful choice…





	A heart never stops beating

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this story a long time ago and i didn't know if i should post it or not. I must confess that i recently lost my confidence writting in english (i remember you that english isn't my first language) so if someone wants to help me with the correction, you are welcome. Feel free to say what you think (bad or good) but please don't be rude. Any advice or comment is welcome as long as it is said nicely :-)

“Hey! Stop playing videogames you two and come help me to set the table!”

“Coming Ma!” Zell got up and turned off the tv.

“Dad!”

“Sorry Ben but it’s time to make a break.”

“You say that because you were losing…” the five-years-old kid crossed his arms, pouting.

“Stop pouting and help me.” Zell stroked tenderly his hair and joined his mother in the kitchen.

“It’s about time!”

“Sorry Ma but Ben said that he was better than me at this game so I had to defend my honor!”

“I’m better than you, Dad! I beat you three times!”

“You know it’s very bad to lie, Ben.”

“But it’s true! And…”

“Ok, ok, enough both of you. Ben, even if you’re better than your dad, you shouldn’t play that much. You know your mother hates when you do this.”

The kid used his best expression to tenderize his grandmother. “You won’t tell mom, Grama, please?”

Zell looked at his mother and did the same face. “You won’t do that Ma…please?”

The poor woman sighted, defeated. “How could I do that to you when you look at me with those puppy dog eyes?”

Father and son jumped with joy like winners, relieved.

“Sit down. I’m bringing the dinner.”

 

After have eaten, Zell went upstairs with his son. He prepared him for the bed, just after the shower. He read him a good story and kissed him tenderly on the forehead.

“Time to sleep Big boy. I see you tomorrow.”

“Dad?”

“Yes?”

“Are we going to stay here to wait for Mama tomorrow?”

“No, Ben. Mama will join us at the Garden.”

“Ok. Goodnight Dad!”

“Goodnight.”

Zell turned off the light and joined his mother downstairs.

“Is he already asleep?”

“Not yet, but it won’t be long. He’s a bit tired…”

“I can guess! You played with him the whole day!”

“That’s not a big deal…we can have fun sometimes.”

“Did you have a lot of work at the garden lately?”

 “Kind of…and he doesn’t like to see us leaving for a mission.”

“Oh…I see. I suppose he is worried, right?”

“Yes. But that’s our job.”

“Being a SeeD and a father or a mother isn’t easy…”

“It’s the same thing for everyone who chose this job. What can we do? I just wanted to make him forget about this…”

“You’re a good father, honey.” She kissed him motherly. “How does Alyssia feel about this?”

“She hates to be far away from us, especially since…well, you know…”

“Yes. Does she still think about this?”

“Yes but she doesn’t tell me.”

“But it’s almost four years now…”

“Nothing can erase this, Ma. Nothing…”

She sat in front of him and held his hand. “What about you?”

“I try sometimes to make her talk but Kadowaki told me that I shouldn’t push her too far. Alyssia prefers to deal with this alone, but…I’d like to be her confident. Even if I wasn’t there, I’m still concerned…”

“I understand. Did she act differently since this day?”

“Yes and no. Yes because there was a time she told me everything. But now, she always says everything is alright, even when it’s not…and no because she never shows us her pain so we never see her crying or anything…”

“But?”

“But I know she waits for Ben and me are completely asleep to cry sometimes. I feel so useless…”

“I don’t know what to do to help you, darling…”

“There’s nothing you can do, Ma. But thanks for listening.”

 

* * *

 

In the middle of the night, when everybody was asleep, Zell’s cell phone rang. As a SeeD, he needed to be reachable and ready every time. But it was really late in the night, so he took some minutes to open his eyes and to wake up.

“hu..Hello?”

_“Zell? Irvine’s speaking. Sorry to wake you up, but that’s an emergency.”_

“What’s wrong?”

_“It’s about…Alyssia.”_

 

Half an hour later, Zell was at Balamb Hospital. Squall was waiting for him at the entrance.

“Squall!”

The tall man went to him to give some news. “She’s still in surgery, Zell.”

Sur..surgery? But why? What happened?”

“We’ll explain you everything later, but for now on, we should join the others to wait for information.”

He followed him and saw in the waiting room Quistis, Rinoa, Selphie and Irvine.

“Zell…”

“Did the doctor come to see you?”

“Not yet…” replied Rinoa sadly.

“Did you leave Ben with your mother?”

“Yes. I didn’t want to bring him here…at least not now.”

“Did you tell him?”

“No. I just told him that I had to go back to the Garden. So? What happened?”

Irvine looked down. He had been sent with Alyssia and two other SeeDs for a mission in Dollet.

“The mission was done and we were about to leave…when one of the men escaped and drove in our direction so fast that we haven’t got the time to react. I shot him in the head but…he hit Alyssia with the car…” explained Irvine.

Zell could barely stand on his feet. “Was..was she still conscious when you brought her here?”

“No…she has been hurt pretty bad. I casted curaga and other curing spells but I couldn’t do anything else, I’m sorry.”

Everybody was there to support their friend. They knew Alyssia and liked her. She was a good SeeD and the perfect wife for Zell. His first crush: the library girl. They started to date after the war, during the ceremony celebrating their victory; then, they married and five years later, their son was born.

Two hours later, the doctor joined the group in the waiting room. Zell literally rushed to him.

“How is she?”

The man remained quiet, taking the time to choose the right words…”I won’t lie to you: Her injuries are life-threatening. We already did everything we could…but I’m not optimistic…”

Zell almost fainted but thanks to Squall and Irvine, he stayed on his feet. The doctor helped them to make Zell sit on a chair.

“No…tell..tell me she won’t die. Tell me!” cried Zell.

The doctor decided to be honest with him. “Zell, Alyssia has received a severe head trauma which is probably irreversible…her spine colon is broken and her lungs have been damaged with the impact, which stops her to breath. We had to put her on life support to operate on her…”

“No…no! You’re lying!!”

The man grabbed Zell’s hands and helped him calm down. “I’m not telling you this to hurt you, Zell…but you must prepare yourself for the worst…I’m really sorry…”

“But…but is there a chance to see her waking up?”

“Zell…”

“IS THERE A CHANCE?” repeated Zell loudly.

The man looked at the group as if he was asking for help, but nobody was in position to do anything.

“Yes…but one chance in thousand…it’s extremely rare.”

“Then, it means there’s a still a hope. I’ll be waiting.”

“You have to be realistic. In her state, she won’t…”

But Zell didn’t let him the time to finish his sentence. “Shut up! She can do it! I believe in her! She will wake up. I know it.”

 

* * *

 

Eight months later.

Zell was still visiting his wife at the hospital. Cid practically never requested his help for mission to give him the time to take care of his son. The kid became really depressed and started to skip school. He passed most of his time with his father at the hospital or with his grandmother. Everybody felt useless…Zell was convinced that Alyssia would wake up. But he never told it to his son. He didn’t want to give him false hopes…but on the other side, he refused to give up. Another doctor, Doctor Gina Marisa, who was working periodically at Balamb Hospital was in charge of Alyssia. She was nice and calm. She always found the right words and her voice reassured people. More than once, she contacted Squall and the rest of the group to request their help. Everybody tried…but nobody could convince Zell that he had to give it up.

 

One day, Zell was at the hospital as always. His son was with his grandmother. He wasn’t feeling well, so they had preferred to let him rest. Zell was caressing Alyssia’s forehead. He often spoke to her, hoping that one day, she would answer him…but the room remained quiet, as always.

Someone knocked at the door and came in.

“Hi Mister Dincht.”

“Hi Doc.”

Doctor Marisa approached and put her hand on his shoulder. “Can we have a word please?”

“Yes. I’m listening.”

“Outside…please.”

Zell understood immediately why she was asking him this and refused. “If it’s to tell me to let her die, you’re wasting your time again.”

“Please. Come with me outside.”

Zell sighted and agreed. They went in the corridor.  “Let’s end this quickly.”

“You know I hate to say that in front of patients, even when they’re in coma…but I repeat myself. It’s time to end this, Mister Dincht.”

“No. Now, can I go back to my wife please?” Zell turned around and opened the door but she stopped him.

“I’m not done.”

He rolled his eyes, exasperated and closed the door again. “What?”

 “Do you know why your son didn’t come with you today?”

The question touched his curiosity but he replied honestly. “He wasn’t feeling very well.”

“He doesn’t want to come back here.”

“I didn’t know you were also a psychologist, Doc!” replied Zell with irony. “I understand my son can feel depressed when he sees his mother in this state but…”

“Your son knows that his mother will never wake up. That’s why he doesn’t want to come back here anymore.”

Zell almost lost his self-control, yelling at her. “HOW DARE YOU…”

“That’s what he said to your mother.”

“Wh..what?”

“Mister Dincht, your son needs your support. He needs to feel you’re here for him…but you’re so convinced that Alyssia will wake up that you neglect him. I’m not telling you this to hurt you, but it’s over. Alyssia is brain-dead…and a miracle won’t happen, especially after eight months.”

“No! Some people woke up after years and…”

“It’s rare. Do you want to pass the rest of your life hoping for a miracle? You already waited too long. It’s right now that your son needs you.”

“But…”

“Mister Dincht, if she could speak, your wife would tell you to let her go and to stay focused on your child. Wouldn’t she?”

 Zell turned around and fixed his wife through the window, from the corridor. “How could I let her go…?” 

“Nobody said it was easy…but it’s necessary for your sake and your son’s one. Let her go in peace.”

Zell took the time to think about her words. She was right. Ben needed him. He was just a kid but he understood before him that his mother was dead. Zell couldn’t accept it but now, he was forced to give up.

“Do..you think she will suffer?”

The woman smiled sadly. “No Mister Dincht. She won’t feel anything…”

“Ok…”

 

Zell called his mother and told her to bring Ben with her. They had to say her goodbye before letting her die. This moment had been very rude and painful for the whole family…but it was also a relief. Now they could start to grieve.

 

* * *

 

Two months after Alyssia’s funerals, Zell went to visit her at the cemetery. He wanted to see her alone. Ben already went to see her but he was starting to feel better, so Zell

didn’t want to ruin everything. Actually, it was harder for Zell than for his son. He always tried to fake, but everybody saw how much he was affected.

“Hi my love.” He deposed flowers on her grave and cleaned the dead leafs on the stone. “Almost a year now…”

He looked at his wedding ring and began to cry. “It’s our anniversary, you know?” he wiped his tears with his hand. “I know. I must be strong…but I would have never imagined my life without you…even Ben is stronger than me. If you could see him, he’s so amazing. I’m so proud of him…”

Zell looked at the sky, as if he was trying to find her in the clouds. “I miss you so much…I will love you for the rest of my life.”

After a long moment, he decided to leave. But in his way, he met an old acquaintance. Someone he hadn’t seen since almost ten years. He froze immediately and stayed silent. Seifer Almasy.

Seifer was surprised to see him here. He didn’t talk and stayed quiet. He looked different: older, yes, but also sadder and tired. He was holding flowers in his hands. The two men faced each other in silence before leaving without a word. Nobody wanted to speak, or to argue, especially in this place. Nobody looked back.

 

 

When Zell went back to the Garden, he thought a lot about his encounter with Seifer. He wondered who the tall blonde visited at the cemetery. He also wondered why he looked so different. He didn’t see any sign of hatred, or nastiness in his eyes. Just sadness. The same sadness he knew every day when he thought about his wife. At the end of the day, Zell went to the cafeteria. He was waiting for Ben who was still in class. Squall came to see him.

“Can I join you?”

“Sure.”

Squall sat in front of him and faced his friend. “So, how are you, Zell?”

“Fine, I guess. Thanks for asking.”

“Don’t force yourself. I know you’re not fine…”

“I’m tired to complain all the time, Squall…I can’t forget and…I can’t move over.”

“You need more time.”

“How much time do I need? When could I finally recover? When will my pain end?”

“Zell, we all are here to help you but maybe you should start a therapy?”

“Do you think I’m weak?”

“It ain’t the point. It’s hard to find the words to comfort you when we can’t understand what you can feel…I wish I could help you more but I don’t know how…”

“You know I thought about this…”

“So you’re gonna do it?”

“Maybe…I’ll think about it after the holidays.”

“Did you plan something with Ben for the holidays?”

“We’re leaving for Timber tonight. Ben loves this city so we take the train tonight.”

“Good. It will help the both of you to take a break.”

“Yeah…” Zell stopped talking about this to ask something different to Squall. “You know, I visited Alyssia today and when I left the cemetery, I met someone…guess who?”

“I don’t know.”

“Seifer Almasy.”

Squall almost choked when he heard this name. Zell was surprised to see his reaction. “Really???”

“Yes. He was probably visiting someone too at the cemetery but I wonder who.”

“You two…haven’t talked?”

“No. We were surprised to see each other and we went back to our business…”

“I see.” It was strange because Squall looked relieved. “He probably came to visit Fujin.”

“Yes you’re right. I forgot it. But she died a long time ago and I never saw him visiting her before.”

“Maybe because he didn’t go often to the cemetery?”

“No. I visited my grandpa often…but maybe he came when I wasn’t around? But I would have seen him at least in Balamb…”

“Whatever.”

“Yes…but he looked so different.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know…he looked exhausted and…sad.”

“I’m surprised he didn’t insult or bully you.”

“He wasn’t in the mood for this. Me neither.”

Squall didn’t seem to be at ease talking about Seifer. Zell clearly saw it but didn’t say anything. He wanted to know so he kept talking about Seifer. Squall wanted to end the conversation and looked at his watch.

“Sorry, but I have to go. If I can’t see you before your departure, have a good trip with Ben.”

“Thanks. See you later.”

“Don’t forget to call us and send us a card.”

“Sure. Bye Squall.”

 

 

At the end of the day, Zell and his son left the Garden. Ben was enthusiast because he loved travelling with the train. The kid started to recover his mother’s death and he never talked about this to his father. Not because he didn’t want to think about her but because he could see that Zell was feeling sad, so he did his best to make him smile. Unfortunately for him, each time Zell looked at his son, he recalled his wife. He had her eyes…

 

* * *

 

At this time, there was a carnival at Timber. It was the perfect occasion for Zell and Ben.

“Where should we start?”

“I wanna try the big wheel!!” Ben was so excited that he couldn’t stay focused on a thing more than ten seconds. “Or maybe the bumper cars!!”

“We have the whole day so we’ll try everything, but choose one to start.”

Ben chose another merry-go-round and enjoyed this moment with his father. They also made a stop at the churro stand and ordered some with popcorn.

“I wanna try the bumper cars now.”

“Let’s go.”

Zell bought tickets and let his son go; He waited for him in front of the merry-go-round, like the other parents. He was looking at his son smiling, following him with the eyes, when he saw a familiar figure between the other people. Seifer, again. The tall blonde was holding a cold drink and scrunchies. He was fixing the kids the same way Zell did, and after a few seconds, he also saw the tattooed man. Their eyes met and the two men, caught by the surprise, didn’t know what to do. Seifer broke the eye-contact when he heard somebody calling him. He fixed his attention on a little girl and smiled at her tenderly. Zell checked where Ben was and fixed Seifer again. The other blonde looked at him with the corner of the eye but didn’t dare coming. So, after a long moment of hesitation, Zell decided to make the first step. Seifer went to sit on a bench, facing the bumper cars stand and Zell approached.

“Hi.”

The tall blonde turned his head in his direction, staying calm. “Hi.”

“Can I join you?”

“Sure.”

Zell sat by his side and the two men continued to fix their children, waving at them sometimes. They were a bit embarrassed to be together.

“I didn’t want to avoid you, but I wondered how you would react if I came to say hello…” said Seifer to break the ice.

“Why should I have reacted badly?”

“You know why; it’s not like we were friends…”

“It was ten years ago, Seifer. Everybody turned the page now.”

“If you say so…”

Zell searched for the kid that Seifer was fixing.

“Elena. She is 7.”

“Huh?”

“My daughter, I mean.” said Seifer. “What about your son?”

“This is the big boy there. His name is Ben. He’s 6.”

The little girl waved at her father. Seifer replied smiling. “Be careful, Sweetie!”

Zell couldn’t help to chuckle. Seifer, as a dad, was a complete different person. “Hey…”

“What?”

“Why didn’t you talk to me the last time?”

“You didn’t talk to me either.”

“I was surprised to see you. We haven’t seen each other since almost ten years…and I wasn’t in the mood anyway.”

“…” Seifer kept quiet, as if he understood the reason why Zell felt like this at this time. He knew this look.

“Were you visiting Fujin?”

“Among others. What about you?”

“…” It was Zell’s turn to feel uncomfortable keeping silent. He didn’t know if he could confess to someone he used to hate that he lost the love of his life. But on the other side, he needed to talk.

“For how long are you widowed?”

Zell literally blinked, wondering how Seifer understood it. “How..how do you know?”

“I don’t know but I guess. If you were still married, your wife would be by your side right now, enjoying this family outing, you’re wearing a ring, and you left Balamb cemetery the last time I saw you. Besides…”

“Besides?”

“You have this same sad expression on your face…”

Zell looked at his ring and played with it nervously. “Is that so obvious?”

“Kind of…you have always been expressive anyway.”

“Not even a year.”

“?”

“That I’m widowed, I mean.” Explained Zell.

“I see…” Seifer held him some scrunchies. “The first year is the worst. Especially the first months.”

Zell took some and fixed Seifer in the eyes, as if he was fascinated.

“Everything around recalls you her. She let her scent everywhere which gives you the impression that she’s still here sometimes…especially during the night, when you can’t sleep. You look at the empty side of the bed and you take her pillow to feel her presence…”

Zell perfectly recognized himself in this description and didn’t cut him.

“Then, you don’t want to fall asleep because you will dream about her before realizing after waking up that she’s gone. Sometimes, you forget it when you set the table and add another plate, another glass for her as always. Then, your child asks you why you put another one…”

Zell recalled to have done this a lot of times…and each time he had to remove her plate broke his heart.

“Sometimes, old habits come back and you call her name when you search something…and you look stupid because you remember she won’t answer. Then, you think about the last words you said to her…and you regret to not have told her more often that you loved her…”

That was true. He recalled often the last words they exchanged. Nothing special…but nobody could guess that it would be the last ones.

“You feel so weak and you even wonder if you would be able to raise your child alone without her…and you realize that your own kid is stronger than you…you doubt about yourself, you lose your confidence and you think that nobody can understand what you can feel…” Seifer ended his description and fixed Zell in the eyes. The other blonde was almost crying, fighting against himself to not crack in front of the kids and in public. “The pain will always be there but it will become bearable with the time. Just enough to hold on for your child…”

“What if…it never happens?” asked Zell with a trembling voice.

“It always happens. It’s not because you don’t cry that you don’t love her anymore…it will never change your feelings. But your child must become your priority. This is your only refuge because you are the last parent your kid can cherish now. You have to be his father and his mother for now on, so you must become strong…and you’ll do it.”

“How…can you be so sure about this?”

Seifer showed him his ring. “Because I’m also widowed.”

For the first time, Zell felt somebody could understand him. It was kind of…reassuring. “Since how long?”

“Almost five years. I was also visiting her when we met in Balamb.”

“I see…” They saw the kids coming to them.    

“Daddy!” the little girl jumped in her father’s arms.

“Did you have fun, Sweetie?”

“Yes, Yes!! I wanna do it again.”

“Don’t you want to try another one to change?”

“I don’t know…”

He held her the drink to let her the time to think. Zell asked the same thing to Ben.

“What about you, Ben?”

“It was super cool! But I’m hungry…”

Seifer held him some scrunchies. The boy hesitated. He really wanted some but he knew that he shouldn’t accept things from strangers so he fixed his father.

“You can take it, Ben. I know this man. We are childhood friends.” Zell made the presentations. “This is Seifer and his daughter Elena.”

“Hi Sir. Hi Elena.”

“Hi Ben. Nice to meet you. Elena? Say hello to Ben and Zell.”

“Hi Ben and Zell.” Replied politely the little girl.

“Maybe we could pass the rest of the day together? What do you think about this?” proposed Zell.

Ben agreed. He seemed to get along very well with Elena. Besides, he was happy to see his father smiling and talking with an old friend.

“Why not? Lena?” demanded Seifer to his daughter.

“Yes! Let’s try the big wheel together!!”

 

The two families passed the rest of the day playing and hanging out. The kids were really enjoying the carnival and the two fathers took pleasure to see them so happy. At the end of the day, they were about to leave when Seifer proposed something.

“Maybe we could have dinner together? Lena and I know the best restaurant in Timber.”

“Do they have fish and chips?” asked innocently Ben. It was his favorite meal.

“Sure.”

“And they do the best apple pie of the universe!!” added Elena.

“I wanna taste it! Can we go, Dad??”

Zell couldn’t refuse. “Of course. Let’s go. I’m starving.”

The both of them went behind the pub. The streets were a bit dirty there and Zell wondered if it was a good idea after all. They came in a small place and chose a good table. Seifer understood Zell and Ben weren’t at ease so they reassured them.

“I know the place doesn’t look great but wait for the food and you will change your mind. Only a few people in Timber know this place so the tourists never come here.”

“Are you living in Timber?” asked Zell checking the menu.

“Yes. Do you still live in the Garden?”

“Yeah. Since my mom lives in Balamb, I can see her with Ben.”

They chose their meal and waited for the food. During this time, the kids went to the play area. It gave the opportunity for Seifer and Zell to talk in privacy, around a drink.

“So…what do you do for a living?” demanded Zell.

“I’m working in a flower shop.”

“A flower shop???? YOU??”

Seifer didn’t take it bad and replied calmly. “It was my wife’s shop. She worked hard to open it so, when she died…I couldn’t sell it.”

“Oh…sorry.” Zell regretted to have teased him this way.

“It’s ok, I understand. To be honest, I would have never imagined this either…but it’s not so bad. Besides, I work alone with Lena so it’s fine.”

“…”

“What about you? I suppose you’re still a SeeD, but did you manage to work again after that?”

“No…actually, Squall and Cid gave me a lot of free time to take care of Ben…”

“His destiny is already written…he will become a SeeD as his father…”

“Now I think about what happened to his mother, I wonder if I shouldn’t leave the Garden…”

“Was she a SeeD too?”

“Yes. Do you remember the library girl?”

“Alyssia?”

“Did you know her?”

“Yes. She was nice. I used to stay late in the library when I got bored and she always gave me some good advices for reading…I didn’t know you married her. Such a romantic story for you, guys…”

Zell blushed. “Why do you say that?”

“Everybody knew she was crazy about you…and for someone who couldn’t stay in the same place without moving, you were really patient when you were waiting for her in the library hiding behind the bookcases…”

“You…knew?”

“As everybody. I even betted on you two with the whole Garden.”

“What???”

“Yes. We betted on the day you would confess, or if she would confess first, or if she would be there and all…I made a lot of money with it!”

“You bastard!!”

Seifer laughed recalling those memories. Zell was embarrassed but it made him feel good to think about good old times. The melancholy came back quickly.

“Such a long time ago…good old days.”

“Good old days never existed. It’s just an illusion. At this time, we had other problems…it’s because of the pain you think that way.”

“But it wasn’t like this at that time…”

“Would you have preferred to not have married her and to not have had your son with her?”

“No! Of course, no!”

“So don’t look back having regrets. It doesn’t change anything…”

“What should I do? Erasing her from my mind already?”

Seifer smiled sadly. “I remember that it was the most painful thing I had to do when she died…”

“What?”

“Putting all of her belongings in a box…and I’m not talking about Rin’s ones…”

“Rin?”

“Never mind…it’s so depressing. Let’s eat. Our meals are coming.” Seifer ended the conversation and called the kids. “Lena. Ben. Food is waiting for you, guys!”

The kids joined them, impatient to eat. Zell kept his eyes on Seifer wondering who Rin was and why he changed the subject of the discussion so fast. Maybe it was too painful?  He didn’t want to ruin the mood, so he didn’t insist. The four of them had a good time and Zell and Ben recognized that the food was delicious. After a good dinner, since their hotel was in their way to come back to their home, Seifer and Elena accompanied Zell and Ben. They arrived in front of the building.

“So? For how long are you gonna stay in Timber?”

“We’re leaving in two days. We have a reservation in Winhill.”

“Ok…maybe we’ll see you again?”

“Can we go to the carnival again, dad?” asked Ben.

“We’ll see later. Now, time to go to bed. Say goodbye to Elena and Seifer, Ben.”

The kid kissed Lena on the cheeks and said goodbye to Seifer who stroked his hair tenderly. Zell caressed gently Lena’s hair too and faced Seifer, a bit embarrassed.

“Thanks for the day…it was nice to see you again.”

“I told you the food was great.” Replied Seifer smiling.

“I wasn’t talking about this…”

“I know.” Seifer made him understand he perfectly got what he meant but it wasn’t the right timing to say it in front of the kids. He held his hand to him. “Feel free to visit us anytime you want.”

Zell didn’t take the hand immediately, which embarrassed Seifer. The tall blonde felt a bit hurt because he thought Zell and he became closer…but at the moment he was about to leave, Zell approached and gave him a big hug.

“Thank you…” he whispered to his ear with a trembling voice.

Seifer, caught by the surprise, didn’t move immediately, but after a few seconds, he hugged him back tightly and caressed the back of his head. “Hold on…you’re not alone.” He murmured softly.

The two men broke the embrace and waved at each other before leaving in different directions. Zell and Ben went back to their hotel and enjoyed the rest of their stay in Timber.

* * *

 

Two days later, they took the train for Winhill and enjoyed the few days they passed there. But during this time, Zell thought a lot about what Seifer told him and he realized that talking with him helped him a lot. Besides, Ben seemed to like Elena and they played all the day together. He wondered if they could visit them again.

 

On the road in the train for Timber.

“Dad?”

“Yes Ben?”

“I wanna see Lena and Seifer again. Can we?”

“Well, since we have to take the train for Balamb in Timber, maybe we could visit them?”

“Great!! Lena told me she had a dog and I wanna see him!”

Zell smiled seeing his son so happy. “You really like Lena, don’t you?”

“Yes. She’s nice. I don’t have a lot of friends in Balamb…”

“But what about your friends at the Garden?”

“Yes…but when we visit Grandma in Balamb, there’s no one to play with me…and Meg and Tim graduate this year, so we don’t see each other as before…”

“I see…”

“And I saw you with Seifer. You like him, right?”

“Ah…yes, I think so. But there’s a long time we haven’t seen each other.”

Ben seemed to be uncomfortable. “Dad?”

“Yes?”

“Is Seifer…the same Seifer we talk about in class? I mean, the sorceress’s knight?”

Zell sighted. “Yes…but it’s complicated. Anyway, it was ten years ago, so you don’t need to tell Lena, ok?”

“Seifer doesn’t seem to be nasty. When the teachers talk about him, they say he’s a devil…but he’s nice.”

Zell felt relieved to see his son thinking this way. He stroked his hair. “That was the sorceress’s fault, not Seifer’s one. He’s not a bad guy.”

“I won’t tell Lena. Promised!”

“That’s my boy!”

When they arrived in Timber, Zell went to the information desk to buy a city map. Most of the shops were listed.

“Damn…there’re three flower shops in the city…I wonder which Seifer’s one is…”

“Can’t we call them?” asked Ben.

“I forgot to ask his number…but let’s visit the three shops, ok? Our train leaves for 6.00 p.m so we have plenty of time.”

“Ok.”

 

Zell and Ben went to the first flower shop, near of the station and understood quickly it couldn’t be Seifer’s one. Everything was too girly. Besides, there was an old lady who was working there and Seifer told Zell that he was working alone. The second one was in the city center, near of the other shops and the hotel. But once again, it wasn’t the right one. The third one was practically at the entrance of the city, near of a little church. Zell and Ben arrived in front of a small house.

“Is it here, Dad?”

“I think so…but it doesn’t look like a flower shop…let’s try.”

Zell rang the bell but nobody answered. He tried to see something through the window and guessed a presence, in the back of the place. He rang again and this time, he recognized the little Lena who waved at Zell and Ben. She turned around and called her father who joined her. Seifer and his daughter approached and opened the door.

“Hi guys. Sorry, we haven’t heard you. Come in.”

“Ben! Zell!”

“Hi Lena. Hi Seifer. I hope we don’t disturb you, guys?”

“Not at all.”

Ben immediately joined Lena who invited him to follow her, letting Zell and Seifer alone.

“So? Did you have a good time in Winhill?”

“Yes. That was nice. I tasted the food at the restaurant you recommended us.”

“And?”

“And…I tasted the best lasagna I ever ate in my life…Ma would kill me if she heard this…”

Seifer couldn’t help to laugh hearing that. “That’s a nice place. Maybe I will go with Lena for the next holidays…”

Seifer invited Zell to follow him and the two men left the shop to cross a little street.

“Is your shop closed today?”

“No but we’re open later Wednesday. I was choosing flowers in the plantations when you rang.”

“Oh, you also produce your own flowers? Where are your plantations?”

“There.”

Seifer mentioned the old church behind the shop. It looked abandoned. Zell was wondering if he understood correctly but he followed Seifer without asking. When the tall blonde pushed the large door of the church, Zell could see the plantations on the floor, between rumbles.

“The church has been destroyed during the galbadian invasion about years ago, but people in the neighborhood refused to destroy it, so they planted flowers there to prevent the destruction. Since the place was used for work, the authorities couldn’t destroy the building but they also refused to rebuild it…”

“That’s ingenious.”

“Melen used to sell her flowers in the streets before opening the shop…”

It was the first time that Zell heard the name of Seifer’s wife. The last time they saw each other, he hadn’t taken the time to ask him…and he realized how much he had been self-centered.

“Is there something wrong?”

“Hum?”

“You look thoughtful. Did I say something wrong?”

“No…I just realized that I even didn’t ask you about your wife the last time…and I feel ashamed.”

“Never mind. I’m not offended.” Reassured Seifer. “You have other things to think about, I can’t blame you.”

“But…you took the time to comfort me. I could have at least been polite…”

“It’s ok.” Seifer mentioned Lena and Ben to make him forget his embarrassment. “Looks like your son found a good friend. Lena didn’t stop talking about Ben and you since you left.”

“I’m glad to see them getting along so well. Ben felt lonely lately…”

“But I suppose he has some friends at the garden, right?”

“Yes but his friends graduate this year, so they don’t see him often lately…”

“I see…well, I’m happy Lena found a friend. She’s very lonely since years now…”

“Is it because…” Zell didn’t know how to finish his sentence without hurting Seifer’s feelings.

“Because of me, you mean?”

“Hum…no, I mean…”

Seifer smiled to reassure him. “That’s ok. I’m not hurt. No, it’s not because of me. She’s wearing her mother last name so even if people saw me with her, nobody never said anything, not even the kids at school…but she had health problems and she passed a lot of time at the hospital, so it’s not the right place to make friends…”

“Health problems?”

Seifer was about to reply when Lena and Ben joined them. “Dad? Can we have pizzas for lunch?”

“Why not? Ben? Zell? Are you ok with this?” asked Seifer.

“Fine for me.”

“Yes! Yes!”

Lena turned around to talk to Ben. “Mani loves pizza crusts!”

“Mani?” asked Zell.

“Our dog.” Replied Seifer. “I’m gonna make the order.” He left them to reach the shop to use the phone.

Zell stayed with the kids and the dog waiting for him. He was wondering if Lena’s health problems were important and if she was alright now. She seemed to be in good form now, so he was a bit reassured. When Seifer joined them again, he didn’t dare to ask more information. He didn’t want to ruin this moment since the two kids had fun.

At the end of the day.

“I’d like to stay a bit longer but we have to leave now, or we’ll miss the train.”

Ben felt sad and disappointed. He was playing with Mani and Lena and didn’t want to leave. The little girl looked at her father, as if she wanted Seifer’s help to make them stay.

“You’re welcome to stay as long as you want, guys, but I suppose you have to go back to the Garden…”

“Dad, I don’t wanna leave…” pouted Ben.

“I know, but we have to go. We’ll come back, promised.”

Ben was still pouting, crossing his arms. Seifer smiled and took a little plant on the desk behind him. He moved closer and held it to the kid.

“Do you know what it is, Ben?”

The kid looked at the plant. “A cactus?”

“Kind of…have you ever seen a little pampa?”

“Yes! Dad showed me.”

“I took a pampa needle and I planted in the soil. It gave this little cactus but maybe he’s gonna become a pampa growing up, don’t you think?”

“Really???”

“I don’t know…but maybe if you take it with you in Balamb, he will grow up? He doesn’t seem to like the weather in Timber. You know Pampa land is an island, right?”

“Yes…so maybe he likes a land with the sea like Balamb?”

“Yes! I’d like you take it with you and we’ll visit you with Lena to see if he grew up, ok?”

“Yes! Yes!”

Seifer wicked at Zell, smiling. The tattooed man was relieved to see that Seifer managed to convince Ben to leave with this because he wouldn’t have supported his son’s fancies…

The kids said goodbye to each other.

“Thanks for your help…” murmured Zell to Seifer.

“You’re welcome. Have a nice journey and feel free to come back whenever you want.”

“Ok. Same for you if you come to Balamb.”

“Fine. You better go now.”

They waved at each other and left the shop. Lena, Seifer and Mani stayed in front of the little store watching Zell and Ben leaving until they couldn’t see them anymore.

* * *

 

 

Two months later.

Zell went back to the Garden with Ben. He thought a lot about Seifer and Lena but he didn’t have the time to visit them. He had several missions to supervise and Ben had to continue his scholarship; but the both of them thought about their friends. Ben asked often to his father if they could visit them but it was impossible right now. Ben continued to take care of his little cactus hoping to see a pampa growing up. Zell thought about his situation and noticed that his conversation with Seifer helped him a lot to give him some confidence. He wanted to see him again…but on the other side, he didn’t want to impose himself. Seifer had his own problems and he didn’t want to disturb him.

The Garden was in Galbadia. The Forest Owls requested their help again to prepare an action, so since Rinoa was a member of the Bgu, she managed to convince Squall and the rest of the team. The Garden stayed around Winhill to avoid any conflict with Galbadian authorities. They helped them but stayed neutral during the operation. The Forest Owls just made pacific actions after have failed the kidnapping of Winzer Deling.

Everybody went back to the Garden, except Zell.

“Since I’m not that far from Timber, maybe I could visit Seifer?”

 

He rent a car and reached Timber two hours later. He said nothing to the group. Nobody, except Ben, knew about Seifer and his daughter. It was better this way.

He arrived in front of the little church and parked the car. It was just after the lunch, so he wondered if the flower shop was still open at this hour. He walked to the church and was welcomed by Mani. Zell moved back, surprised.

“What’s wrong Mani?” asked Seifer from his position. He was cutting the weeds. “Zell?”

“Hi! Hum…sorry. I was around Timber so…”

The dog didn’t stop yapping until Seifer approached to calm it down.

“Easy…it’s alright.” He caressed the dog’s head and welcomed Zell. “Don’t mind at him. It’s nice to see you.”

“Thanks. So? Where’s Lena?”

“At school. How is Ben?”

“He’s fine, thanks for asking. He didn’t stop asking about you and Lena…”

“Same for me. Wanna drink something?”

“Weren’t you busy?”

“No I’m done. Let’s go inside.”

Zell followed Seifer. The dog didn’t leave his side and joined them.

“You know, it’s funny…”

“What?” wondered Seifer.

“You and this dog…I remember you didn’t particularly like dogs in the past.” Zell frowned seeing Mani. “Thinking about this, Mani reminds me…”

“The dog we met during the Seed Mission in Dollet?”

“Yes!”

“Well, that’s normal.”

“??”

“Don’t you recognize him?”

Zell observed the dog and noticed a detail. The first one had a little scar on his back…as Mani. “Don’t tell me…”

“It’s him.”

“But…how did you find him?”

“I found him in Dollet, in the same place we left him during the Seed Mission.”

“Ah? You lived in Dollet?”

“No. I went there for my honeymoon with Melen. There’s a good restaurant on the place of the fountain, so we went there. When we left, Mani was there, waiting for some food in front of the restaurant…” Seifer’s eyes were full of melancholy. “Melen was so gentle and kind that she didn’t resist when she saw him. She gave him a piece of bread and Mani loved her immediately.”

“So, you brought him with you?”

“I didn’t want to, but Melen managed to convince me. She didn’t stop asking and asking again, so I gave up and, yes, we brought him with us.”

“Do you think he recalled you?”

“He did.”

“Ah?”

“To be honest with you, Mani absolutely hated me at the beginning. Each time I tried to caress him, he was yapping at me. I suppose he didn’t keep a good memory of me…”

“Well, it’s normal. You have been pretty rude with him during the Seed Mission. But…how did you get along with me?”

“After Melen’s death, I was completely broken...and one night, while I was crying, he came closer and pressed his little head on my lap to comfort me. He forgave me and he really supported me, making Lena happy. So, since this day, we’re good friends.”

“Oh…I see.”

“Coffee?”

“Yes, thanks.”

Seifer remained quiet, filling a cup for Zell. The other blonde didn’t know what to say. He felt stupid. Each time he tried to start a conversation, he recalled Seifer some bad memories.

“So? How are you?”

“I’m fine, thanks. I wanted to come sooner but…”

“You don’t need to justify, you know?”

Hearing those words made him smile. Seifer understood immediately what Zell was thinking.

“And now I’m talking like Raijin…”

“Where is he now? Aren’t you in contact with him?”

Seifer’s smile vanished. “The last time I saw him was during Fujin’s funerals…”

“Sorry…”

“Never mind.”

Zell cursed himself again. But this time, he asked more about this. “What happened between you two?”

“You mean Raijin and I?”

“Yes.”

Seifer drank some coffee and sat in front of Zell, in the kitchen. “After the war, we went back to Balamb. But four of five months later, Fujin got sick and she discovered that she had a terminal cancer. We took care of her until the end…but during her last days, Raijin began to blame me. He said it was my fault if she got sick, and that was because she was so worried for me that she didn’t take care of herself. She couldn’t stand to see us arguing so I left. I visited her when Raijin wasn’t around…she died in my arms.”

“…”

“Raijin loved her and he couldn’t stand to see that I was the last person she saw and requested before dying, so we had a fight right after her death. I suppose he was suffering too much that he needed someone to blame…”

“Weren’t you suffering too?”

“Yes…but he wasn’t completely wrong. Fujin and Raijin had hard times because of me after the war…”

“Was it the last time you saw him?”

“I went to the cemetery for the funerals…and he jumped on me when he saw me. I had to leave to let the ceremony end. Then, I left Balamb for Timber and I met Melen.”

“I suppose Raijin left too because I never saw him in Balamb.”

“I heard he left for Fisherman’s Horizon.”

“Do you miss him?”

“It’s hard to forget your best friend…especially when he’s the last one you have left…”

“What about us?”

“No offence but I don’t remember we were friends.”

“…” Zell was hurt but he knew Seifer was right. The fact that the two of them were widowed made them closer, but without this, they wouldn’t have cared about each other in other circumstances.

“Enough talking about me. How is everyone in the Garden?”

“Ah…well, Selphie is still energetic as ever. Irvine is still flirting with her; Quistis is bossy as always and Squall…”

“Frosty as always?” joked Seifer.

“Kind of…but Rinoa helped to warm him up!”

“Yeah. As long as she will be by his side, he will stay warm…” the same sad expression went back in his eyes.

“You really loved her, didn’t you? I mean, your wife.”

Seifer smiled sadly. “You know what it feels, right?”

“Yeah…” Zell became depressed thinking about Alyssia. “How did you manage to recover?”

“I didn’t recover. I’m just resisting for Lena.”

“I’m not sure to be able to resist, even for Ben. He’s the only thing I have left but…”

“That’s not an option: you MUST resist.”

“How? To become like you? Look at yourself! You’re just a zombie, waiting for the death!”

“That’s right.” Seifer stayed calm.

Zell continued his reproached, yelling at him. “You give me advices, but where is the proud knight you pretended to be? Look at yourself, Almasy! You’re a pathetic florist who is crying on his sort! You! A FLORIST! That’s hilarious!!!”

 “You’re right.” Nothing seemed to hurt or touch Seifer.

“I don’t wanna become like you! I’d rather die than becoming like you!!”

“Then, why are you still alive if your life is so unbearable?”

“I…” Zell was out of words. He didn’t know why he needed to be so aggressive toward Seifer. He started to shake.

Seifer approached slowly. When he got closer, he put his hand behind Zell’s head to comfort him but the little blonde pushed him away. It wasn’t enough to make him move back and Seifer grabbed Zell to hug him tightly. Zell fought back, but after a few seconds, he gave up and fell in Seifer’s arms, crying and defeated.

“Let it go, Zell. Don’t hold it for yourself.”

Zell pressed his head against Seifer’s torso and cried. He needed to express his feelings: hatred, anger, sadness…everything hurt. The other man didn’t need to talk. He just remained quiet and held Zell in his arms, giving him his shoulder to cry.

* * *

 

Two hours later.

Zell woke up in an unknown place. He was in a small bedroom. He understood he was still in Seifer’s house when he saw Hyperion on the wall. He didn’t remember what happened after their quarrel. He went downstairs and saw Seifer drinking a glass of water in the kitchen.

“How are you feeling?” Asked Seifer when he saw Zell coming.

“What happened?”

“You fell asleep so I brought you to my bed. Are you feeling better?”

“Yes, Thanks…”

“Want some water?”

“Yes please.”

Seifer got up and filled a glass of water before holding it to Zell.

“Thanks.” Zell felt a bit ashamed. “How could you be so nice with me after what I told you? Aren’t you mad at me?”

“Your pain made you say that. I know you didn’t think a single word. So, no, I’m not mad.”

“…”

 “Not long time ago, I was in your place, so I know what you’re gonna endure. During this period, you need to express your anger against someone…”

“You don’t have to be this “someone”…”

“Looks like it’s something usual for me…”

“I don’t want to impose this to you; I’m really sorry. You’re not pathetic at all. You’re a wonderful father and a brave man. I…”

Seifer put his hand on Zell’s one to make him stop apologize. “It’s ok. Relax.”

“I didn’t want to…”

“I know.”

Seifer just smiled fixing Zell in the eyes. This silent and peaceful comfort was helpful for Zell. Seifer perfectly understood his feelings and he didn’t judge him.

“I suppose you tried to stay focused on your job to forget your pain, so you didn’t have the opportunity to express your feelings…besides, I guess you refused to make a therapy, right?”

“…”

“You’re right for something: you mustn’t become like me. But we had different ways, so you don’t have to be afraid about this.”

“No…”

“?”

“I wish I could become like you.” Confessed Zell.

“??”

“I wanna be strong like you.”

“I’m not strong, Zell.”

“Yes you are. You have always been strong. I’d be proud if I could become like you…”

Seifer stroked his hair gently. “You haven’t changed at all…”

“Why do you say that?”

“You’re still chasing after me, following my steps…you already wanted to be as strong as me when we were kids…”

Zell blushed.

“Well, I’m flattered. I suppose that’s why I hated Squall that munch when we were at the Garden. I couldn’t support to see you following his steps instead of mine…”

“I had no idea about this…”

“That’s not something I could have said.”

“Yeah, you’re right…do you still hate him now?”

“Squall?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t care anymore. Actually nothing really matters anymore. I’ve got my own problems so I must confess that I haven’t thought about you, guys, since a long time…”

Seifer checked his watch. “It’s about time to take Lena at school. Wanna stay with us tonight?”

“Why not? I’m gonna look for Ben now.”

“Ok. Bring him with you. Lena will be delighted.”

“Do you want me to bring something to eat for dinner? I can buy pizzas on my way or…”

“We’ll see with the kids later.”

“Ok. See you later.”

 

Zell waved at Seifer and went back to his car to return to the Garden. He waited for the end of class. Ben was a bit tired and sad when he finished his day.

“How was your day, son?”

“Boring…” said the kid complaining.

“Ah…well, I think I can cheer you up. We’re out tonight.”

“? Where are we going?”

“Timber…”

His eyes were full of happiness when he understood. “We’re gonna visit Seif…”

Zell put his hand on his mouth to shut him down. “Shhhh!!!”

“Oops! Sorry! Can we go now??” the boy couldn’t wait any longer. “Can we? Can we???”

“Yes. Let’s go!”

They didn’t waste more time and left for Timber with the car. Zell just sent a message to Squall asking him permission. He didn’t know if he would stay a bit longer in Timber so he had preferred to tell them.

 

When Ben arrived at Seifer and Lena’s home, he was excited. Lena and Mani welcomed them and went immediately to the church to play. Seifer continued to cut his flowers with Zell.

“May I help you?” asked Zell.

“Enjoy your rest. I didn’t propose you to stay to make you work.”

“But I’d like to help. I hate to see people working and being useless.”

“Fine…if you want to help me so badly, can you bring me some water please?”

“Sure!” Zell helped Seifer and enjoyed this time to talk with him.

“I was thinking about bringing the kids to the restaurant. What about you?”

“Sounds good for me. I’m not a good cooker and I’m tired of eating fast food.”

“Still trying to catch some hotdogs at the cafeteria?”

“Yes…but now I order it in advance.”

Seifer couldn’t help to laugh.

“What?”

“You know…I must confess something: actually, I used to pay someone in the cafeteria to fool you…”

Zell crossed his arms against his chest. “I beg your pardon?”

“Well, I used to give 100 gils per month to be sure you wouldn’t get any hotdogs, so each time you came, you had nothing…”

“Who was it?”

“Hum…you know Big mama?”

“Big mama?? The cashier? But why???”

“Well, let’s say that I caught her son doing something he shouldn’t have done so I made a deal with her: I closed my eyes and the disciplinary committee wouldn’t do anything against him and you had no hotdogs.”

“But why did you do that???”

“It was funny to see you running like a rocket to have nothing…I loved to tease you.”

“You’re a motherfucker Almasy! You know that?”Zell threw water over him to have his revenge, but it didn’t stop Seifer’s laugh.

“Sorry man! But it was so funny…I couldn’t resist!”

“Stop laughing you idiot!!”

The two men fought with water, laughing, until they realized they were completely soaked.

“Great! My clothes are soaked!”

“I’ll hand you some clothes. Come with me.” Seifer called Ben, Lena and Mani, and everyone went back to home.

 

Seifer looked for some clothes and gave it to Zell. “Take this. You can go to my room to change.”

“Thanks.” Zell went upstairs and stripped.

He put Seifer’s clothes on and even if it was a bit too big and long for him, it suited him. He took his own clothes on the floor and noticed, on the little bedside table, a picture frame down. He was curious, so he took it to see. It was a family portrait. Seifer, his wife and two kids with Mani. All of them were on a large couch, smiling. Seifer had his left arm above his head so he was probably holding the camera to take the picture. A beautiful woman with long blonde hair and green eyes was smiling. She was very elegant, with a green dress and an orange shawl. There was a little girl, almost a baby on her lap. Zell recognized Lena but his attention was fixed on the kid by Seifer’s side. It was a little boy, maybe around six, blonde with green eyes. He really looked like his father and Zell recalled Seifer mentioned someone named “Rin” the last time they talked.

“So Rin was your son?” he thought.

He didn’t have the time to think more that Seifer, who was actually behind him, put the picture down again. Zell hadn’t heard him coming.

“Where’re your clothes? We need to let it dry.”

“Hum…here. But I can do it…”

“I’m on it, it’s fine. Just join us downstairs. We’re waiting for you to go.”

“Coming.”

Zell noticed Seifer was a bit exasperated. He probably didn’t take it really well to see him snooping through his things. He wondered if he should apologize or if he should wait. He joined them and everyone left for the city center. During the walk, Seifer avoided Zell’s look and stayed focused on his daughter.  

 

They arrived at the restaurant and the kids went back to the playing area, waiting for their meals. The atmosphere between the two men was a bit tense and nobody wanted to talk. Zell understood he had to do something, so he apologized.

“I’m sorry for earlier. I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s ok. It’s just…I don’t like to see this picture.”

“You…wanna talk about it?”

Seifer played with his fingers nervously. “Thanks for your concern but I’d rather not.”

“As you wish…” Zell was a bit disappointed. Seifer helped him and he wanted to feel useful and give him some comfort in return.

“I know you want to help me, but your presence is enough. Thanks.”

“Do you feel lonely?”

“What about you?”

“We’re talking about you, Seifer.”

“Well, that’s not easy sometimes…or I should say, every day.”

“Did Melen have some family?”

“She had her mother when we married. But she died two years after our wedding. She absolutely hated me and she never accepted Melen’s choice.”

“Did she at least come to your weeding?”

“No. Actually, when I asked Melen to marry me, she was happy. She went to see her mother to tell her but she reacted badly. She told her that if she married me, she would disown her…”

“But she married you, so…”

“Melen deeply loved her mother. She was the only person she had. But…she chose me over her.” He smiled with tears in his eyes. “I felt so loved and happy…she used to say that I was the one and whatever I could have done in the past, it didn’t matter.”

“Did she talk with her mother after your weeding?”

“During the first year of our union, no. but they made up for…”

“For your son’s birth?”

Seifer didn’t reply. He smiled nervously. “I told you I didn’t want to talk about this…”

“Sorry…”

“Never mind. They made up again and…she finally accepted her choice. So now, I’m alone with Lena.”

“I suppose it’s not easy for you. Fortunately for me, I have my mother. She really helped me during this year, especially with Ben.”

“That’s a good thing for him to know that he still has his grandmother…you told me the last time that you wondered if you wanted to see him become a Seed. Have you thought about this?”

“I don’t know. I mean, after what happened to Alyssia, I can’t help to think that if I die during a mission, my son will be an orphan. Ma will take care of him but…”

“Having a family and being a mercenary aren’t compatible.”

“Yes…but this is the only job I can do.”

“I’m sure you have other skills. But you must consider things. You take risks when you’re on the battlefield.”

“Do you think I should quit?”

“That’s your decision. I can’t tell you what you should do…”

“I want your opinion.”

Seifer hesitated but in front of Zell’s insistence, he replied. “If you want my opinion so badly…yes you should.”

“…”

“I know what sorts of job you can do and I know the risks as much as you. I understand that’s your way of life and all…but maybe you should ask to your son.”

“What should I ask him?”

“Ask him if he wants to become a SeeD…and if he wants to stay at the Garden.”

“…”

“You don’t have to quit, but you should stay out of the operation mission or the battlefield while your son is young…”

“I thought about this…”

“Look, I don’t want to influence you or anything. I suppose I think as a father and not as a soldier anymore…”

“Yes, but I appreciate it. Thanks.”

The two men smiled to each other. Seifer wondered if he wasn’t too curious when he questioned Zell about his desires to stay a SeeD. But the other man didn’t seem to mind at all. He seemed to consider Seifer’s opinion…and it was important for him to see somebody considered him.

“Tell me: Did Alyssia still work at the library?”

“Yes. But sometimes, she went to the battlefield…”

“What happened to her?”

“Irvine, Alyssia and two other SeeDs went to Dollet. The mission was done but one of the enemies escaped and hit her with his car. Irvine did all what he could and they transferred her a first time to Dollet Hospital before sending her to Balamb for surgery. She stayed in the coma during eight months before I decided to let her go…” Zell’s voice was trembling. He felt Seifer’s gentle touch on his hand. “Sometimes, I wonder if I shouldn’t have kept hope for her…the doctors told me she was brain-dead but…”

“She wouldn’t have survived, Zell. Don’t look back thinking that way.”

“But…”

“You know, Matron told me something that I never forgot one day: she told me that every person in this world has a day, a hour to die, and whatever you do, when this time comes, there’s nothing you can do. It was her time to go…”

“What was her day? The day she fell in the coma or the way I let her die?”

“The day you said her goodbye once for all.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know but I’m guessing it wasn’t an accident if you decided after eight months to let her go.”

“What do you mean? I don’t understand…”

“Didn’t they try to convince you before you accepted?”

“Yes but…”

“So have you ever wondered why you accepted this day and not the day before?”

“No…”

“That’s because it was her time to leave this world…that’s this way I convince myself when I’m depressed. Her time, as Melen’s one came and even if it hurts, there’s nothing we could have done to change it…”

“So…it was their fate?”

“It doesn’t mean it has to be logical…sometimes you don’t understand why people die, especially when they are so young…”

This time, it was Zell’s turn to comfort Seifer. He understood he was referring to his son. He wanted to ask him more but Seifer even couldn’t pronounce his name. He had said it once and it really seemed to have broken him.

The kids went back to them, and few minutes later, their meals arrived. Zell and Seifer stopped their conversation and enjoyed the rest of their night with their children.

 

At the end of the dinner, they left the restaurant and went back to home. Ben was exhausted after have played the whole day and Zell didn’t want to take the road, so Seifer proposed them to stay. The kids shared the same room with Mani. They prepared everything and they didn’t stay awake any longer after their return.

Zell joined Seifer in the living room. “Are they already asleep?”

“Yes. They were exhausted.”

“You can take the bed. I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“No, it’s ok. I can sleep on the couch. Keep your bed and…”

“I don’t mind. Really.” Assured Seifer.

“The couch is too small for you. If someone has to sleep here, that’s me.”

“It’s not comfortable.”

“Then, why should you have to sleep here?”

“Because you are my guest.”

“And the guest refuses.”

Seifer rolled his eyes. “So what do we do?”

“Your bed is enough for the both of us.”

“Do you snore?”

“No!”

“Ok, so fine for me.”

They agreed and went upstairs to sleep. Zell took the left side and turned off the light.

“Thanks for letting us stay.”

“You’re welcome. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

 

They closed their eyes and tried to sleep. But even if the room was quiet, nobody really managed to sleep. After half an hour, maybe more, Zell called Seifer.

“Are you asleep?”

“No. I can’t sleep.”

“Is it because of me?” asked Zell.

“No. That’s just…”

“What?”

“There’s a long time I didn’t share my bed with someone…I used to sleep alone since five years…it’s a bit strange.”

“Same for me, but it’s just since one year…”

Seifer turned on the lights. “You wanna talk?”

“No…don’t think so. What about you?”

“Me neither.” He got up and asked Zell to follow him. “Come with me.”

“?”

“On the roof. Come.”

Zell followed him and the two men went on the top of the little house. It was a starry and calm night, with a beautiful and shining sky.

“Great view, huh?”

“Yes. It’s amazing…” replied Zell fascinated.

“We used to look at the sky this way when were at the orphanage, remember?”

“Yes. I remember you brought me to the roof one night because I had a nightmare and I didn’t stop crying. Since we shared the same bedroom, you had enough and you showed me the sky to make me stop crying...and you named me every constellation.”

“You remember this?”

“I never forgot it. I used to do the same thing when I couldn’t sleep. When I arrived in Balamb, I missed Matron and all of you, so I went often on the roof to see the sky and sometimes I imagined you were doing the same thing…”

“I did the same thing.”

The two friends looked at each other, smiling. Even if they used to fight, they cared about each other and they never forgot.

“What happened to us, Seifer? Why did we become enemies?”

“Should I recall you how this fucking war started?”

“I don’t mean the war…why did we hate each other at this point at the garden?”

“Who said I hated you?”

“You didn’t seem to like me either.”

Seifer sighted. “Don’t know…a lot of things divided us. But I never felt hatred against you. Sorry if I made you feel that way…”

“I guess you weren’t good to express your feelings…”

“You weren’t better either…or at least not with everyone.”

This remark touched Zell. “Why do you say that?”

“I think you know why I say that.”

“Squall?”

“…”

“Why do you always talk about him when I ask about us?”

“And why do you talk about “us”? There has never been “us”. I wasn’t a part of the gang. I never was…”

“Because you never wanted.”

Seifer looked sad hearing Zell’s words. “I know I’m not good with friendship, relationship and all…but I understood something a long time ago and even if it doesn’t matter anymore, I still wonder why…”

“What are you talking about? What did you understand?”

“I’ve never understood why all of you accepted Squall as he was…when you couldn’t stand me.”

“Squall, again…this is an obsession, you know?”

“I’m not jealous or anything. I just want to know why him and not me. That’s all.”

“We’ve never rejected you. You’re the one who left.”

“You don’t understand. I wouldn’t have minded if all of you had treated Squall the same way you treated me. But I don’t understand why everyone tried to and tried again with him when everybody gave up so quickly with me…that’s unfair.”

Zell didn’t answer immediately. He thought about what he just said and realized Seifer was right, so he tried to find an excuse, even a lame one.

“Squall was distant; you were nasty.”

“Indifference is supposed to be worse than anything. I never pretended to be an angel, but at least, I paid attention to the others. Besides, you never wondered why I acted this way…but you strangely tried to change or to understand Squall.”

“…”

“I don’t blame you. As I told you, I don’t care anymore. I just tell you what I feel, that’s all.”

“You do care.”

“?”

“If you feel the need to tell me that now, it’s because you still care, whatever you can pretend.”

Seifer smiled with irony. “I didn’t care when Melen was by my side…but it’s true that since she’s gone, I started to think about this again…I thought I turned the page, but looks like I was wrong.”

“Me too…I forgot you and when I saw you in Balamb, I couldn’t stop thinking about you…”

Seifer got quickly why those thoughts went back to him. It was his way to escape from the pain. Thinking about something else was just another way to run away, but Zell didn’t seem to understand it.

“What should we have done with you?”

“What do you mean?” asked Seifer.

“I mean, would you have preferred to see us acting the same way with you?”

“I don’t know…maybe I just wanted you paid more attention to me. Maybe that’s why I liked Rinoa…but as the others, she gave up pretty fast.”

“…”

“You know, you’re the one since Melen I talk about this.”

“What did she say to you when you told her?”

“Well, she always found the right words…she told me that sometimes there were things that we couldn’t understand and whatever we could do, we would never get answers, so it was useless trying to understand…it wasn’t enough, so she told me that if people didn’t care about me, I was the one she cared about, so I felt better…as a long as I was important for her, everything was alright…”

“…”

“Sorry. I depressed you even more than you already are…”

“I care about you.”

Seifer just brushed Zell’s hair with his hand in a friendly way. “I don’t expect this from you, don’t worry…”

“So my friendship doesn’t matter to you?”

“That’s not what I said. I just say that you don’t need to feel that way because I told you this.”

“Does it matter or not?” asked again Zell.

Seifer wondered why it was so important for Zell, so he replied honestly. “It does.”

“Then, you’re not alone anymore. It was what you said to me, right?”

“Yes.”

“Ok. So let’s forget the past and start it again.”

“I don’t need to forget the past. I didn’t keep a bad memory about you; Well, I suppose you can’t say the same about me…” laughed Seifer.

“I guess I overreacted…”

“Whatever. What is done is done.”

“Yeah…”

The two men fixed the stars in silence and enjoyed this peaceful moment. There was a long time they hadn’t felt that way…

* * *

 

The next morning, Zell woke up in an empty bed. Seifer was already up and was preparing the breakfast for the kids. Zell joined them downstairs.

“Hi Dad!”

“Hi Zell!”

“Hi kids. Hi Seifer.”

“Hello. Did you sleep well?”

“Yes, thanks. Sorry to wake up that late…”

“It’s ok. We’re up since half an hour.”

Zell sat after have kissed his son and took a cup that Seifer had filled with coffee.

“You’re going to school, Lena?”

“Not today. We’re gonna see the doctor.” Replied the little girl.

“Oh…something is wrong?” asked Zell worried.

“No. Just a routine checkup.” Reassured Seifer.

Zell remembered that Seifer told him Lena had health problems but he forgot to ask him more about this. Now, it wasn’t the right timing to ask.      

“We’re gonna go back to the Bgu anyway.”

“Can’t we stay a bit longer, dad?” demanded Ben.

“No, Ben. The Garden leaves Galbadia this morning. We have to go back before lunch…”

“But…I wanna stay.”

“I know. Me too, but we can’t.”

Seifer filled Ben’s glass with orange juice. “We’ll come to visit you in Balamb this week, ok?”

“Really?”

“Yes. Lena and I planned to go to Balamb anyway, so we’ll see you there.”

“Great!!” the kid was now happy and even if he wanted to stay, he wasn’t pouting anymore.

Zell understood Seifer probably wanted to visit Melen at the cemetery in Balamb, that was why he said this. But then, he wondered why his wife was buried there and not in Timber. 

 

After the breakfast, the kids went to play with Mani outside. Zell helped Seifer to do the dishes and took this opportunity to talk with him.

“What sorts of health problems has Lena?”

Seifer avoided his eyes. It was visibly a painful subject for him. “They found a brain tumor when she was two. She had surgery and chemotherapy during three years, but she’s healed now. It’s just a periodic checkup.”

“Such a brave little girl…”

“Yeah…”

“So…you discovered it right after…”

“Yes. It wasn’t the best or happier time of my life.”

“I can guess…”

Seifer was clearly uncomfortable talking about this, so he changed the subject of the discussion. “Do you need a ride to reach the garden?”

“No I’m fine. I rented a car.”

“Oh, yeah; I forgot. Well, I should prepare myself to go.”

“Me too.”

The two men went to look for their kids and said goodbye to each other. But Zell remembered something before leaving.

“I almost forgot…” he held something to Seifer.

“What is it?”

“My phone number. If you want to talk or to meet me, you can call me whenever you want.”

Seifer took it. “Thanks. I’ll send you mine since I’ve got yours.”

“Ok. Take care, guys!”

* * *

 

One week later.

Seifer called Zell and told him that he would arrive friday. He proposed to meet them for lunch the next day. They took a room at Balamb hotel. Zell took permission with Ben and was impatient to see them again. He hadn’t asked Seifer why he came to Balamb, but he had some clues. Seifer told him they took the last train, late in the night so it would be better to meet them the next day.

Ben was waiting for them in his grandmother’s home. Zell went to the city center to buy some candies for Lena and Ben. Actually he took this opportunity to visit his wife at the cemetery. He also went to visit Fujin. He wasn’t surprised at all to see fresh flowers on her grave. He knew Seifer came here. He looked for another grave and remarked a familiar name…

“Melen Onoda Almasy…”

There were also fresh flowers on the tomb. He noticed a small one near of her…”Rin Almasy.” Seeing the dates of birth and death, Zell noticed the kid was just five when he died. He saw a small toy on the grave. A little car. Seifer probably brought something to his son…and even if it wasn’t his family, Zell couldn’t help to feel sad and shed some tears thinking about Seifer’s tragedy.

He was reaching his mother’s home. He passed in front of the hospital and met a familiar person.

“Mister Dincht.”

“Oh! Doctor Marisa.”

“Long time no see. How are you?”

“Fine I guess. Thanks for asking.”

“What about Ben?”

“He’s alright.”

She looked at him smiling. She could see Zell seemed to be fine so she was reassured. “I took a break, so can we have a word together please?”

“Sure.”

They went to sit around a table at the cafeteria of the hospital. It was a bright day, so people enjoyed staying on the terrace outside.

“So, tell me? How are you doing?”

“I do my best to recover…”

“Are you following a therapy or something?”

“No. but actually, I met someone in my situation and we talked a lot; it really helped me.”

“That’s a good thing. Talking is the best way to express and release your pain and your frustration.”

“Yes. It’s also very painful…”

“I know, Mister Dincht. I saw so many people in your case…and it’s never easy to find the words in those circumstances. I feel so useless in these hard times…”

“You’re a good doctor. Thanks for all what you did for us.”

She smiled at him. “Thanks…I wanted to talk to you for another reason.”

“Ah?”

“Yes. You know, your wife was an organ donor so when she died, we saved several people “thanks” to her…”

Zell became suddenly depressed. He forgot this. “I didn’t know…”

“Well, when somebody is declared as an organ donor, we don’t need to ask the permission of the family. I didn’t want to add you more problems…”

“But why do you tell me that now?”

She looked confused and hesitating. “Well…one of the families who received an organ from your wife wanted…to enter in contact with you…”

“What? I thought the identity of the donor and receiver was confidential?”

“It is; I didn’t tell anything…but a family wrote a letter to thank you. They don’t know you but they asked me to give you this letter. There’s no information about the family, the gender, the age or anything else…and they know nothing about you either…”

“A letter you say?”

“I shouldn’t have accepted. It’s against the ethical standards but…I couldn’t refuse. So…here.”

She held him the letter. Zell hesitated.

“You’re not forced to read it…but I thought I would help you to know that your decision gave the opportunity to someone in this world to live thanks to your wife…but maybe I shouldn’t have done that and…”

“It’s ok. I’ll read it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome…”

Zell took the letter and put it in his pocket. He thanked her again and he left to join his mother and Ben. He didn’t want to read the letter now. Seifer and Lena were about to arrive, so he would do it alter.

 

 

One hour later.

“Hi guys!”

“Hi Seifer! Hi Lena!”

 The kids didn’t waste more time and went to play together with Mani.

The two families met at the port and chose a restaurant. Zell proposed to Seifer to come to his place, but he was uncomfortable to meet his mother so he declined politely.

“It’s great you came. Ben is happy.”

“Yeah; I can see that!”

“And me too…”

“?”

“I’m happy to see you.”

Seifer seemed to be touched by this. “Same for me.”

After this embarrassing moment, they blushed and chuckled. “Looks like we haven’t changed at all…”

“Yeah. We’re still awkward in these circumstances…”

“Why is it so hard to say out loud we care about each other? Wasn’t it easier with your wife?”

“I was also awkward with Alyssia at the beginning but with the time it changed…”

“Me too…Melen used to make me lose all my abilities. I came to her pretending buying flowers each time I wanted to see her…” Seifer laughed thinking about this time. “Such a looser…”

“I wasn’t better, you know? I used to pass most of my time at the library to see Alyssia and she recommended me books all the time. But I hated reading, so I forced myself to read to not disappoint her. Besides, it gave me subjects to talk about with her…in the end, it helped because I became intelligent reading a lot.”

“I used to keep the flowers for Fujin’s grave. Melen thought I was married when I came to see her so often…”

“Hey…”

“What?”

“Why…is she buried in Balamb? I thought she was from Timber?”

“Melen loved Balamb. But since I didn’t go to avoid Raijin there, we never went. I always wanted to bring her here but she never blamed me for this. She said she understood so she never asked. I promised her that one day I would bring her to Balamb…”

“And?”

“And I couldn’t hold my promise in time…”

“I’m sorry…”

“It’s ok. So, I thought it would be better to let her rest here since she wanted so much to visit Balamb.”

“So in the end, you held your promise…”

“If you say so…”

Zell thought about Seifer’s son. Each they talked about him, Seifer never mentioned Rin. The few times they talked about it, he remembered the tall blonde was almost crying, so he didn’t want to push him to far…

“Thank you, Zell.”

“What for?”

“For listening…it really helped me to talk with you. It’s funny to see that I wanted to help you at the beginning and in the end, you’re the one who is helping me…I always talk about myself…I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. I’m glad if I can help you. Besides, it helped me too. You made me realize that I had to be stronger for Ben and…you know what I can feel, so when I’m with you, I feel confident. You understand me better than anybody…”

“I wish I could help you more.”

“You already help me a lot. Thanks.”

Seifer felt at ease with Zell and he really meant what he said. He was more honest now, even if it was still hard to use the right words to express his feelings. He was still bashful and in a certain way proud.

“So? How is the Garden? Still working hard?”

“Not bad. But we have fewer missions on the battlefield now…”

“Still harassed by Rinoa for the Forest owls?”

“Tell me about it! I’m tired to assist them for their useless actions…it doesn’t work!”

“Ah! Ah!!” Seifer laughed thinking about this. “I know Rinoa won’t let you go until Timber will be free!!”

They continued to talk about simple things like work and childhood memories. They didn’t need to talk about their painful past all the time. Enjoying peaceful moments like this one was enough to cheer them up.

 

 

At the end of the day, Seifer and Elena left Balamb for Timber. Seifer had to open the flower shop and Lena needed to go back to school monday. Ben was sad to see them leaving but he understood. Seifer promised him to come back soon.

 

After the dinner and while everybody was asleep, Zell who was in his room in his mother’s home thought about the letter Doctor Marisa gave to him and he decided to read it. He hesitated to open it a few seconds but the curiosity was big. He began to read it.

 

_“Dear sir or madam,_

_I don’t know if you will read my letter. I hope so…but I can’t blame you if you don’t want to. I perfectly understand what you feel right now, so be assured that all my thoughts are with you. Losing someone you love is definitely the hardest thing you could endure and I present you my condolences. I hope you won’t take it bad to see me writing you this letter in such painful and sad circumstances…_

_Forgive me for my egoism, but I thank you with all of my heart for what you’ve done for me, because thanks to the sacrifice of your loved one, a precious person that I cherish survived. I wish I could tell you more about the person who received this organ, but I can’t. It’s technically forbidden to enter in contact with each other, but I really wanted to express my sincere gratitude to you. We are thankful to you and we will never forget what you’ve done for us._

_Maybe you will find some comfort thinking that your family allowed another one in this world to live? We were so desperate, hoping for a miracle during so many years…and you granted our wish when I was about to give up. So please, don’t let your pain drag you down. Keep hope because as long as her or his heart will beat, she or he will continue to live through this person you saved. Besides, don’t forget he or she will continue to live through you, in your memories and in your heart._

_Our prayers are with you. Thanks again for everything.”_

 

When Zell finished reading the letter, he couldn’t help to cry. But knowing that Alyssia’s organ gave the opportunity to someone else to live, helped him to endure her death. He was glad to have read this letter and took a piece of paper to answer.

_“Dear sir, or madam,_

_First of all, I want to thank you for your letter. I have to confess that I was a bit surprised at the beginning to receive it. I wasn’t sure if I had to read it or not…but I don’t regret it. I’m really touched about your concern and it means a lot to me to know that we helped you. I don’t know you but judging by your words, I guess your situation was unbearable. I’m glad you finally found a solution for this person._

_You know, it’s weird but I feel better to know that someone received something from her…and this is thanks to this organ that your loved one can live today. Until I received your letter, I didn’t know she was an organ donor and nobody told me when she died that they took some organs. They didn’t need my consent anyway. It helps me to endure her death. I still wondered if I was right to let her go, even if she was brain-dead…but now, I’m sure it was the best and the right thing to do._

_About few months ago, I suppose that I wouldn’t have reacted that way reading your letter, but I’m starting to get better slowly. I’ve got my family and friends. Besides, I talk with other people in the same situation, so your initiative to enter in contact with me is a good thing. As I told you, it helps me and I want to know more about you and your family. Could we continue this exchange together? We don’t need to ask to the person who helped you to contact me…and we didn’t need to mention any name…I’ll be happy to have some news about you and your family, but if you don’t want to, I understand._

_I give you my box address. It’s nameless. Feel free to contact me whenever you want. Thanks again for your letter and your concern. Blessings for you and your family.”_

He wanted to know more about this family. He gave it to Doctor Marisa. She wasn’t at ease at the beginning. At this rhythm, the families would know more about each other and it wasn’t ethically right…but she couldn’t refuse this to Zell.

 

* * *

 

Time passed and Zell continued to visit Seifer and Elena with Ben. But strangely, they didn’t talk often about their wives or their pain. It was essentially about their children. Some subjects were still taboo…like Seifer’s son, or the way Melen and Rin died. Zell also had his part of secrets. He didn’t tell to Seifer what happened five years ago with Alyssia. He didn’t need to know, and it wasn’t something to be proud about. The time they passed together was a sort of escape from their difficult life. Besides, the kids became even closer and were inseparable. Zell even started to reconsider the idea to leave the Garden…

 

Two weeks later, Zell received another letter. There was still no name on it. He waited for the night to read it. Doctor Marisa didn’t know that Zell continued to exchange with the family’s receiver. He continued to wonder if it was right to do that. Wouldn’t it twist the knife in his wound again? But even if he questioned himself about his need to contact this family, he felt he had to do it.

 

_“Dear sir or madam,_

_I was really happy to receive your letter; I wasn’t sure you wanted to stay in contact with me. I didn’t think you would answer me and when I saw your letter, I thought you were about to tell me to go to hell or something like that…I didn’t know what to expect. But now I read what you wrote, I’m relieved and happy. Thank you._

_You used the word “she”, so I supposed it was your wife or your daughter? I don’t know…I don’t want to be curious. I was surprised to see you so honest with me…so I owe you a bit more about us. We received a heart for my daughter. She’s alright now. She wanted to thank you too so she did a drawing for you. I hope you will like it._

_I’m terribly sorry for you. I suppose it was hard for you to take this difficult decision…I understand that you probably prayed for a miracle until the last day. It’s so easy from me to tell you that it was the right thing to do because without you, my daughter wouldn’t be there today…so I won’t say it. What you did was brave, and I feel ashamed to have hoped this happens. I was so desperate…hoping someone dies to let my daughter live...but now I consider what you endured when you decided to let her go, I feel bad. There’s nothing I can do to change things. I just wish that we could help you to appease your pain._

_I’m also relieved to see you’re not alone to overcome this hard time. Your friends and your family will help you and we’ll be pleased to give you our support._

_Thanks again and see you soon. I’m waiting for your answer.”_

With the time, Zell began to feel even more close to this person and it was a good thing he or she understood perfectly what he felt. All these interactions with different people, his discussion with Seifer, the support of his mother and his friends helped him but it didn’t erase his pain. In these times, he needed Seifer’s presence, so he often visited him.

* * *

 

One day. The Garden was in Galbadia.  

Zell took a break and paid a little visit to Seifer again. He went to the flower shop and saw with surprise that there was a customer. A young woman with long blond hair.

“I love those roses! Can you add more?”

“Sure but I suggest you to add some peonies instead.”

“Oh! Do you have some?”

“I’ll get some in a week. It are almost ready for the harvest.”

“So great! You’re the best!!” The woman was so happy that she jumped in Seifer’s arms.

Seifer finally saw Zell and waved at him. “Oh! Zell. Nice to see you.”

“Hi. Sorry. I didn’t know you were busy…”

“You don’t disturb us, sir. I was talking about my order with Seifer.”

“Sasha is preparing her wedding.” Explained Seifer.

“Oh. It’s great for you. I wish you the best.”

“Thank you. Seifer is the best florist of Timber!”

The tall blonde blushed. He wasn’t used to hear compliment. He played with Mani to hide his embarrassment.

“Well, I see you later, Seifer?”

“Ok. See you later Sasha.”

“Goodbye Sir.”

“Goodbye Miss.”

The woman left. Zell was glad to be alone with Seifer.

“Looks like you’re popular in Timber…”

“Not really. Just a few customers come to see me. Sasha knew Melen and when she died, she continued to come here.”

“People can be nice…so? How is Lena?”

“Great. Are you staying for dinner tonight? She will be happy to see Ben.”

“Sure. I already told Ben we will visit you; he’s impatient.”

“He’s a good boy.” Seifer closed the shop and invited Zell upstairs in his home. He finished his day and he had to go to seek Lena at school in one hour.

“You look good.” Remarked Zell.

“Well, I’m fine. Lena is alright and I don’t feel lonely anymore since you visit us often…” he proposed a drink to him. “And I noticed you also look better.”

“Yeah. I think you were right.”

“About what?”

“About what you said the first time we talked. The pain will always be there it will become bearable…”

“Is it bearable now?”

“We can say so. I stay focused on Ben now. There was time I went to the cemetery practically every day…”

“And what about now?”

“I continue to visit her but less often…sometimes I think I should go more.”

“Don’t start thinking that way. Your feelings aren’t quantifiable with the number of your visits…”

“Did you visit her often after her death?”

“No…actually, Lena passed most of her time at the hospital so I had to stay by her side. And since we were already living in Timber, Balamb was too far to go often. I didn’t have enough money to travel anyway.”

“How did you manage to survive? I mean, how could you work and stay by Lena’s side at the same time?”

Seifer’s face became uncomfortable. “I sold everything I had: Melen’s belongings and…hum…”

“Rin’s ones?”

“Yeah…and Melen’s mother let us her home after her death so I lived with the money of the sale until I opened the shop again. We’re still living with this money because the shop doesn’t work great…”

“If you need money…”

“I don’t need money. Thanks for your help but it’s alright.”

Zell remembered Seifer was still proud. He wouldn’t ask anything, even if they were friends now.

“You know, I told Cid that I didn’t want to be sent on the battlefield anymore.”

“Really? How did the gang react?”

“They told me nothing in particular…”

“But you noticed they looked at you differently, right?”

“Kind of. I suppose they think I’m becoming weak.”

“They think as mercenaries. They don’t have kids, so they have no right to judge. Everything is different when you become a father.”

“My mom warned me more than once about this; being a mercenary and a father on the same time isn’t something easy…I understand what she felt when I told her that I wanted to become a SeeD…”

“So what are you going to do now?”

“Dunno…maybe I’ll become an instructor?”

“Why not? Sounds good. Besides you accumulated a lot of knowledge with all the books you read to get close to Alyssia…”

“So funny…”

“Won’t you miss the battlefield?”

“Do you miss fighting?”

“It’s true that I don’t fight anymore. Yes I miss it.”

“I saw Hyperion on your wall, so you do practice, right?”

“It’s really rare. I don’t have much time for this…”

“Wanna try again?”

“What? Now?”

“Why not? You still have the time before going to seek Lena. Let’s go!”

Seifer seemed hesitating. He didn’t know if he could do this, but he really wanted to. Besides, he wasn’t alone and Zell was a good fighter.

“Let’s go!”

 

The two men left the city and went to the Obel lake, in the first forest. The first enemies showed themselves pretty quick.

“Ready Almasy?”

“Mind your own business, Dincht! I bet you that I defeat them first!”

“Challenge accepted!”

They started to fight and even if they hadn’t fought since a long time ago, they were still good fighters. After ten minutes, they finished the two anacondaurs. Seifer finished one of them and Zell managed to end the other one before him.

“You lost, Seifer!”

“I killed one!”

“You were supposed to kill the both of them before me!”

“Well, I didn’t lose since I made 50% of the job.”

“Cheater!”

They enjoyed this time, and continued to fight some monsters before stopping.

“We better go back or I’m gonna be late for Lena.”

“Sure. Let’s go.”

 

On the road, Zell drove and Seifer was trying to catch his breath, whipping the sweat on his forehead.

“Are you ok?”

“Yes; I suppose I’m a bit rusty…”

“Me too. That was nice to fight together.”

“Does it recall you the SeeD exam?”

“A long time ago when we think about this.”

“About ten years…but when I see you, it’s as if it was yesterday.”

“Ah? Why?”

“Because you haven’t changed at all.”

“I don’t know if it’s a compliment or…”

“It is. It’s pleasant to find something or someone familiar and to see that it’s still the same after so many years.” Seifer fixed Zell from the corner of the eyes. “But in fact, you did change.”

Zell didn’t know what to think about Seifer’s words. His voice seemed to be sad when he talked so even if he didn’t understand, he didn’t ask more and they talked about something else during the rest of the road.

They had dinner with their kids and decided to have a walk. They brought Mani with them and went to the park. They sat on a bench and continued to talk keeping an eye on Elena and Ben.

“Why did you mean about the fact I didn’t change?” demanded Zell.

“Oh…I hope you didn’t take it badly?”

“Not at all. But I’m curious. So?”

“Well, when we were kids or at the garden, when I needed to cheer me up, I just had to look for you. There’s something special in you which made me smile. I don’t know if it was to see your reaction when I teased you or…just your smile. But I liked it. And it’s still the same today.”

Zell blushed when his eyes met Seifer’s ones. “But you also said I did change…”

“Yes you changed. You’re older!”

“Hey!”

Seifer couldn’t help to tease him. Zell was always reacting.

“I mean, you pay more attention to me, so I’m happy.” Reassured Seifer.

Zell became even redder. “Man…you’re super embarrassing you know? I feel like I’m in bromance or something…”

“Ah yeah…I become soft. That’s probably an occupational hazard. Should I recall you that I’m a “pathetic florist”?”

“Oh come on! Don’t say that! I feel so bad to have told you that…”

Seifer laughed again. “Can’t help it, Dincht! And at this rhythm, you’re gonna become like me…”

“I would ruin the flowers just cutting it.”

Seifer became serious again. “Did you tell anyone about me?”

“You mean, at the garden?”

“Yes.”

“No. I didn’t.”

“Why?”

“I thought maybe you didn’t want to let them know and…”

“And?”

“I wanted to keep this for me…as my secret. It doesn’t concern them, so it’s better this way.”

“I see…”

They kept silent, observing their kids. Their relationship started to change slowly and nobody knew if it was a good or a bad thing.

“Hey…haven’t you notice something different between us?” asked Seifer.

“What?”

“We…don’t talk about Alyssia or Melen as much as we did when we met. It happens but not often…”

“Yes, I noticed it. Is it not a good thing?”

“I suppose it is.”

“It reminds me something. You told me you used to feel lonely before we met. Have you ever thought about…meeting someone else after Melen’s death?”

Seifer didn’t reply immediately, as if he hesitated. “Well, not really. You know, with Lena’s health problems, I didn’t have the time for this…”

“But?”

“But…it’s true that I started to think about it again recently.”

“Recently?”

“Since…we met.”

Zell bit his lips to hide his embarrassment. He didn’t expect so much honesty from Seifer.

“You know, you’re the only person I ever talked since Melen’s death. I haven’t made any therapy and I don’t have any friend, so I’ve never thought about this before…”

“Now you say that, I realized that there was no one for you when you lost your son and your wife. I wasn’t alone when Alyssia died. My mother, my friends…everybody was there for me. But there was nobody for you…and you had to take care of Lena.”

“You know, all of this belongs to the past. It’s helpful to talk about this because I appeased my pain. But on the other side, it made me realize what I missed…”

“And what did you miss?”

“Human contact, I suppose. Sometimes I wish to be something else than a single father and a grieving husband…”

“…”

“I realized it the next day after you slept at home with Ben.”

“?”

“You let your scent in my bed. It was strange… but I guess it’s normal to feel that way. I passed so much time alone that it feels so different to have someone to talk with. What about you?”

“Me?”

“Have you thought about meeting someone?”

“hum…no, or I mean yes. I don’t know…”

“Why does it make you uncomfortable?”

“You’re widowed since longer than me. I don’t know if it feels right to feel this desire so even if I’m asking questions, I’m not sure about this…”

“Do you have something in mind? Do I know her?”

“Stop it with your questions!”

“What? I’ve been honest with you!”

“Yes…but it’s embarrassing!”

Seifer stopped teasing him. He understood Zell wasn’t ready to talk about this. It was too soon. He just wanted to reassure him and to encourage him.

“Ok, I stop, but just remember something: it doesn’t mean you’ll stop to love her if you decide to meet someone else. Don’t feel guilty and if you have a cute girl in mind, go ahead.”

“Thanks. Same for you, ok?”

“Oh…I don’t think I’m popular. I mean I’m just a simple and “pathetic florist” and…”

“Damn you, idiot!” Zell hit Seifer’s head lightly with his hand to show him his exasperation. They went back to the teasing again and laughed together.

Zell was happy to see Seifer so joyful and smiling. He wanted to keep him in this state of mind all the time. _“If only I could erase your pain as you erased mine, Seifer, I would do anything to make you keep this smile on your face…”_

 

 

It was late in the night. Zell wanted to stay a bit longer but he had to come back to the Garden. He had an important appointment early in the morning so he couldn’t stay. Ben was already asleep in the car, As Lena in Seifer’s arms.

“I’ll try to visit you soon.”

“Ok. But don’t force yourself if you’re busy; I like when you come to see us but…”

“Do I look to force myself?”

“No.” Seifer smiled and hugged Zell friendly to say goodbye. “Be careful on the road.”

“Ok, thanks. Take care of yourself, Seifer.”

* * *

 

The next morning.

Zell was with the whole gang. Cid had convoked them for an important meeting. Now, Zell was officially an instructor and he was in charge of the preparations for the next SeeD Exam.

“We decided to change the organization of the garden. As you could see, we have fewer missions on the battlefield since the end of the war and we need to keep recruiting.” Started to say Cid.

“Quistis proposed to build a new partnership between Trabia and Balamb Garden. Until now, only students who requested it could join the Bgu. Now, we will impose an internship for a month to a year to the candidates for the Seed exam and…”

Zell’s cell phone vibrated; He checked who was calling him and he saw Seifer’s name. He frowned because he told him that he had an important appointment so he wondered why he called him despite that. Everybody was glaring at Zell, but the blonde didn’t care. He started to think that if Seifer called him, it was definitely for a good reason. He got up abruptly.

“Sorry but I must take this call.”

“Can’t it wait?” asked Squall visibly exasperated.

“No it can’t.” replied Zell firmly.

 

Then, he didn’t wait for an answer and left the room.

“Hello?”

_“Zell?! Lena is at Timber hospital! I don’t know what to do and…”_

“Calm down. Ok, tell me what happened.”

_“I..I brought her to school and about two hours later, the director called me; he told me that Lena fainted and they brought her to the hospital! I saw no one since then and nobody tells me anything!”_

“Don’t panic; Everything is gonna be alright..”

_“Zell, if something happens to her, I..”_

“No! Don’t start saying nonsense! Listen, I’m on my way. I’ll join you at the hospital. The Garden is still in Galbadia. I take a car and I’ll be there soon, ok?”

_“Thanks. I’m waiting for you.”_

“Call me if you see a doctor or if you’ve got some news.”

_“Ok.”_

“Hold on. It’s gonna be alright. Hold on.”

_“I’ll try..I’m waiting.”_

Zell rushed to the room without wasting time. “Sorry but it’s an emergency. I have to go. Rinoa, could you take care of Ben during my absence please?”

“Sure...”

“Thanks. I’m taking a car.”

“Zell! Wait!” called Squall. “What the hell is happening?”

“I don’t have time for explanations!”

 

Zell left and didn’t bother to say goodbye or to apologize. He couldn’t wait any longer. Seifer needed him. He took a car and drove as fast as he could to reach Timber in half an hour. He arrived quickly and ran to the hospital. He went directly to the emergencies and saw Seifer, sitting on a chair, head down, and hands crossed. He was praying softly.

“Seifer!”

“Zell!!” The tall blonde hugged him in his arms, completely devastated. 

“I’m here now…it’s ok. Did they tell you something?”

“No…I’m still waiting. Why is so long? Zell, if she dies too, I can’t…”

Zell made Seifer sit again and fixed him in the eyes, placing his hands on his cheeks. “Seifer calm down. I’m sure it’s nothing. Maybe it’s just a light malaise or something…”

“They brought her here because she couldn’t breathe normally…it’s because of her heart. I thought her body accepted the transplant but maybe I was wrong and…”

“What transplant?”

“Elena has received a heart transplant about few months ago; they told me it was a success and that I had nothing to fear because her body didn’t reject it. But now…”

“A..heart transplant you said?”

“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to think about this. When they discovered her brain tumor, they also noticed a problem with her heart. They couldn’t treat her for the two problems on the same time, so they took care of the tumor first. Then, we waited for a transplant for years…until we finally found one…”

“When was that?”

“I don’ t remember…maybe two months before I met you at Balamb? She had surgery. She stayed here several days after the operation…and now, after has gone that far, she’s back to the hospital again and…”

“Don’t panic, Seifer. I’m sure she’s gonna be alright. She’s strong, remember?”

“I can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to see this place anymore…I want to end this. If something happens to her, I won’t be able to survive, Zell. I can’t…”

“Don’t say that. It’s not over. If Lena managed to defeat a brain tumor at her age, she will make it. Don’t lose hope. I’m sure she’s ok.”

“You..you stay with me?”

“Of course. I’m going nowhere.”

“Thanks…” Seifer let his head fall on Zell’s shoulder.

The tattooed man was thinking about thousand things. He couldn’t blame Seifer to not have told him that…and he began to make connections. It was the right time to think about this. Now, he needed to be here for Seifer and he was praying for Lena. If she died, he knew her father wouldn’t stand it, especially after all what he already endured…

 

One hour later, a doctor came to the waiting room. Zell recognized immediately Doctor Marisa. The woman was about to ask him why he was with Seifer but she shut up when she saw Zell putting his finger on his lips. Seifer, who was lost in his prayers, didn’t see her coming.

“Mister Almasy?”

“Doc! Tell me! How is she? Is she alright?”

“Calm down. Everything is fine. Lena just had a little meltdown. It’s not serious, don’t worry. It happens sometimes.”

“Nothing serious for the heart transplant?”

“Nothing serious. She’s breathing perfectly normally and her heart is alright; We continue to make analyses to be sure, but I can reassure you: your little girl is perfectly healthy.”

“Thank Hyne…I was so worried…”

“You can go to see her.”

Zell smiled at him and encouraged him. “Go ahead. I’ll join you soon. I don’t want to stress her.”

“Ok. Thanks.” Seifer went immediately to the room where Lena was and came in.

 

Zell waited until he finally came in and took Doctor Marisa by the arm, to drag her outside. “I need to talk to you.”

The woman understood the reason of his rudeness and asked him right away when they arrived outside. “What are you doing with Mister Almasy?”

“Did you give Alyssia’s heart to Elena?”

“Wh..what?”

“The parent who wrote me this letter. I know..I know he or she received a heart transplant for a daughter. Tell me!”

“You..You weren’t supposed to know this information and…”

“Answer me! Is it Alyssia’s heart which is beating in Elena’s chest?”

“…” the women didn’t reply. Her silence was her answer.

“You knew…you knew all along and you said nothing to me…”

“Did you meet Mister Almasy after have read his letter?”

“No…we met before. We talked together and we became friends because he told me he was also widowed. I understood it was him who wrote the letter when he told me about the heart transplant few minutes ago…”

“Zell, I’m sorry…we needed a heart for Elena…”

“You…you made me kill my wife to have a heart for Elena!”

“Your wife was brain dead! There was no chance she could have waked up! Elena was dying!”

“You should have told me!!”

“And what would you have replied to me if I had told you that we needed your wife’s heart for Seifer Almasy’s daughter?”

“…”

“He’s your friend now, but at this time, he was still your enemy. You would have refused…”

“You didn’t have the right to decide in my place.”

“Now you know him, and Elena, do you really think you made the wrong choice?”

“I don’t know! I’m torn between so many feelings!!” Zell didn’t know what to think. He was completely disoriented.

Doctor Marisa approached and put her hand on Zell’s shoulder. “Zell, listen: I’m working at Timber hospital and I’m in charge of Elena since her mother’s death. I was there when…we had to call Seifer to tell him about his son and his wife. I saw so many people in his situation, but believe me, I’ve never felt so bad seeing someone so down. He cried, cried and cried again. We had to give him a sedative to make him release his son’s body…he was so broken that all of the people in the hospital, nurses, doctors, patients…everybody cried for him when we saw him…”

“…”

“And a few days later, after his wife and son’s funerals, he came back here for his daughter and we discovered she had a brain tumor and an impaired cardiac function. She was a two-years-old girl and she was the last thing he had, so we did everything we could for her. The poor Elena was so brave. She was smiling all the time and cheered everybody up with her blissful smile…”

Zell imagined the scene. Elena was so young when her mother and her brother died.

“Seifer never left her side. But he was so down…he didn’t eat, or drink or sleep. More than once we had to take care of him because he fainted, exhausted. But he never gave up. So when we finally healed the tumor, we had to do something for her heart. With the time, her condition got worse and the machine which helped her to breathe wasn’t enough anymore. We needed a heart transplant but we had no donor…”

“Until you found Alyssia…”

The woman continued to fix Zell in the eyes. “One day, Seifer went to the hospital as always…and he asked me if we could talk in my office. He asked me if he was a compatible donor for his daughter, I replied yes, so…”

“So?”

“So he put a gun on my desk. At the beginning I thought he was about to threaten me, but he reassured me and asked to prepare everything for the operation…”

“What???”

“The gun…was for him. He planned to kill himself to give his heart to his daughter.”

“You…you’re kidding me, right?”

“Believe me, Zell. He was serious and determined. We tried everything to make him change his mind, but he refused. He was ready to die for her. He even prepared everything. He had looked for a place and an orphanage. He even wrote a letter for her…”

“It can’t be serious…”

“I’ve never seen in my life someone loving his child at this point…I told him I would refuse to do this, even if he killed himself, so he told me that he wouldn’t leave until I accepted his request. He was ready and prepared. I understood nothing could make him change his mind, so I proposed him something. I told him to give me one month to find a heart and if I hadn’t found it after that period, then, I would do it. He hesitated, then he accepted…”

“So…that’s why you insisted that much with me…”

“There was nothing else to do to save your wife anymore. But I had a chance to save Elena. Forgive me, Zell…I just couldn’t let this happen.”

Zell shed some tears and wiped it quickly. “You did the right thing…”

“Seifer was so happy when we finally found a heart transplant for his daughter…he wanted to thank you, but he was afraid of your reaction. He knew that people would be angry if they discovered this heart was for the daughter of the former sorceress’ knight…”

“I would have reacted this way as an imbecile…”

“Now you know him, you understand right?”

“Yes…sorry for my rudeness.”

“I understand. I was also really sad for you…and believe me, it was hard to ask you every time to let her go.”

“I know…”

“Don’t tell Seifer please. I think he had enough stress for today; he doesn’t need to know…”

“I won’t tell him, don’t worry. But I think I should go back to him.”

“Yes. Take care of him and don’t let him worry; Elena is fine. Her meltdown was really light but it always looks impressive when it concerns a child…”

“Ok.”

 

Zell went back to Seifer and came in. Elena was talking with her father. She looked fine. She was happy to see Zell and he promised to bring Ben with him the next day; the two men passed the rest of the day with the little girl until a nurse came in.

“My apologizes, Sirs, but you have to leave now.”

“Can’t I stay in the waiting room? I don’t wanna let her alone…” demanded Seifer.

“Mister Almasy, don’t worry, we’ll watch her very carefully. You’re here since this morning. It’s time to go back to your home and to have some rest. Doctor Marisa told us she could leave tomorrow.”

“But…”

“Seifer, you need to rest. She’s alright. Look, she’s already asleep…” said Zell.

The father hesitated but finally agreed. He kissed her on the forehead. “Goodnight, sweetie. I’ll be back tomorrow; have sweet dreams.”

The kid didn’t wake up. Everybody left the room and Zell brought Seifer back to his home. On the road, he thanked him again.

“I’m sorry to have bothered you…I know you were busy today…”

“I don’t give a fuck about this. It was an emergency. You were right to call me.”

“Thanks to have stayed with me. I recalled so many bad memories…”

“I can guess…I’ll stay with you tonight.”

“You don’t have to. You can go back to the Garden.”

“There’s no way I’ll let you alone tonight.”

“But Ben…”

“Ben is safe with Rinoa and the others. Don’t worry for him.”

Seifer felt a little uncomfortable but he was relieved to keep Zell by his side, at least for tonight. He would have become crazy alone.

 

When they arrived, Zell immediately went to the kitchen to prepare something to eat. Mani was there. He was comforting Seifer in the living room. When the food was ready, Zell called Seifer, but he realized he fell asleep on the sofa. He moved closer and touched his forehead softly which woke him up.

“Just eat a bit and you’ll go to bed after that.”

“Not hungry…”

“It wasn’t a suggestion.” Said firmly Zell.

Seifer obeyed and followed him. They ate together in silence. Nobody was hungry, not even Mani. They forced themselves just to have some energy. When they finished, they took a shower, one after another and went to bed.

Seifer had dark rings under his eyes. His thoughts were all for Lena; Even if the doctor told him she was fine, he was worried.

“She’s alright, Seifer. She will back tomorrow.”

He looked at Zell who walked o him. He sat by his side, and rubbed gently his back. The tall blonde put his head on Zell’s shoulder. He needed to feel a human contact. The other blonde gave him his support, when their eyes met. Their faces were close to each other; they could feel their hot breath on their skin. Seifer made the first step and stole a light kiss to Zell. The other man didn’t move. He didn’t respond but he didn’t push him away either. So when, Seifer did it again, he kissed him longer.

No rejection again. Zell didn’t know if it was right or wrong to do that, but in the end, he wanted it as bad as Seifer, so what had to happen, happened. The kiss became passionate, the bodies became hot, even naked, the thoughts only focused on each other’s pleasure…at this precise moment, time stopped. No words, no noises except the sound of their moans or their painting breaths…only looks and physical contact. Everybody already understood each other’s position, as if it was obvious.

* * *

 

In the middle of the night, Zell woke up. Seifer wasn’t there. He got up and took the time to dress up before looking for him. The tall blonde was downstairs, sitting on the sofa, half naked, fixing the ground with dead eyes. He got surprising when he felt Zell’s gentle touch on his shoulder.

“Can’t sleep?”

“No…did I wake you up?”

“No. I wondered where you were when I didn’t see you in the bed.”

“I needed to have some fresh air, that’s all…”

Zell grabbed a light blanket on the sofa, behind them and covered Seifer’s naked shoulders with it. “You’re cold.”

The man smiled. “Thanks…”

“You’re gonna catch a cold like this.”

“Not just for the blanket…I needed comfort and…”

“I also wanted it, you know?”

“…” Seifer didn’t look convinced.

“Do you really think I would have given myself to you just to comfort you?”

“No offence but yes. That sounds like you. You’re willing to do anything for people when you want to help…”

“Even being a whore?”

“Who said you were a whore? Don’t make me say what I didn’t.”

“Well, you said that I’m capable to sleep with you just to comfort you so it sounds like prostitution.”

“Prostitution implies a retribution for the whore in question…and I don’t think I gave you any retribution here, so no, you’re not a whore. You’re just too nice…as always.”

“No one forced me to do that. If I really didn’t want to, I wouldn’t have done it and the circumstances don’t change anything. And if you remember, I reacted pretty fast to your touch so…”

“So…you really wanted me?”

“Do you need another proof?” Zell kissed him softly. “I don’t kiss my friends this way usually, you know?”

“How are you kissing them then?” joked Seifer.

“Idiot.”

Zell sat by his side and took him in his arms. “Do you think I should bring Ben to visit Lena tomorrow? I men, Doctor Marisa said she could leave tomorrow so…”

“That’s not necessary. But if she has to stay longer, it would be nice for her to see him.”

“There’s no reason for her to stay there any longer.”

“I hope you’re right…she passed enough time between those fucking cold walls.”

“How long…if I’m not too curious?”

“Almost five years…after the funerals.”

“Was it so hard to find a heart transplant?”

“It took us two years to find one. At the beginning, we thought she could just have surgery but after a certain time, it was too late. She had to use a machine to breathe…”

“Why didn’t you tell me about this? You just told me about the brain tumor.”

“With the time, I became superstitious. That’s stupid but I thought if I didn’t think or talk about this, then nothing could happen…There was no tumor recurrence in two years so I thought it was over once for all and that I risked nothing anymore…but the heart transplant was recent and I didn’t want to claim victory too early.”

“I see…”

“Just thinking about it made me worried even more than I was already…I just couldn’t tell you. I didn’t want to lie but…”

“But it was too hard to say. I understand.”

Seifer didn’t speak anymore. He just rested, head on Zell’s shoulder and holding his hand. They passed the rest of the night like this, silent. There was nothing else to say.

* * *

 

The next day, they went back to the hospital. Elena was perfectly healthy for Seifer’s happiness.  Doctor Marisa reassured him again and they could leave. Zell decided to take a long break with Ben to stay with Seifer and his daughter. As always, he didn’t give a clear explanation to the orphanage gang and just pretended he needed time for something important. They insisted but he didn’t answer.

 

 

Two days after Lena’s return, the four of them went back to their daily routine. Seifer continued to prepare flowers and to run the shop with Zell’s help. He noticed Zell was checking his cell phone often, complaining. He understood it was related to his absence at the garden.

“You know, maybe you should go back to the garden?”

“What?”

“You don’t stop checking your phone. Do they request you?”

“No…they want to know why I left so suddenly. I didn’t give any explanation…”

“If it causes you troubles…”

“I’m where I want to be, that means here and everybody can go to hell, I owe no explanation to anyone.”

Seifer laughed. “Thanks.”

“No need to thank me. There’s nothing to do at the Garden anyway. Ben seems to be bored there…I really wonder if I shouldn’t leave.”

“Don’t take any decision too fast or you’ll regret it. Have you ever thought about what you would do if you decided to leave?”

“Not really…”

“I don’t propose you to work with me because you would get bored very quickly.”

“Is it that boring?”

“There was a time I was looking for adrenaline and all. Now, I just want something peaceful so I don’t care if it’s boring or not.”

“Is it not a way for you…to think about your wife?”

“??”

“I mean…does it not give you the impression she’s still around when you work here?”

“Yeah. Sometimes.”

Zell looked away, as if he expected another answer. Seifer understood he was probably wondering how their relationship would turn in the future.

“Do you want to talk about last night?”

“What for? We fucked and so?” replied Zell.

“Was it just sex for you?”

“What about you?”

“I asked first. So?”

Zell didn’t know what to say. “I can’t tell you…to be honest, I don’t know if I’m ready to start another relationship…and on the other side, when we did it, it wasn’t just…sexual. I don’t know how to explain but…it’s complicated.”

“Same for me. But I suppose I’m less confused than you because I was the one who invited you.”

“So what do you want?”

“I’m questioning myself too…I feel everything is going too fast but I also don’t want to stay alone anymore…”

“So what now?”

“I don’t know. Wanna stay friends, friends with benefits…or something else?”

“It doesn’t need to be serious to start, right?”

“Yes…so we can try and see where it goes?”

“I’m ok with it.”

“And I promise I won’t hide you anything anymore.” Added Seifer.

Zell agreed. “Ok…but we don’t have to rush. When we’ll feel ready to talk about something, we’ll say it to each other.”

“Fine.”

 

After the dinner, the kids watched a film with their parents. Everybody had a good time. It was a bit weird for the two men because they looked like a stepfamily. They weren’t officially lovers yet but they weren’t just friends anymore. There was one thing they knew at least: they needed each other’s presence.

Days passed and they became closer. Sometimes, they had sex, other times, they just slept in the same bed, hugging each other. It wasn’t complicated but unusual for both of them. Zell extended his leave, which exasperated Squall and the rest of the gang. Nobody knew why Zell acted like this and what he was hiding. He didn’t feel ready to tell them. Besides, he still didn’t know if he had to quit or to stay at the garden.

 

* * *

 

One night.

The kids were asleep. Zell woke up and noticed Seifer was again missing in the bed, so he got up. When he opened the door, he saw him, in the corridor, observing Lena and Ben sleeping. He understood he was worried for his daughter and he got up to check if she was breathing normally. Zell moved closer and murmured.

“Seifer, she’s alright. Come back to bed now.”

He didn’t move immediately and continued to observe his girl. He wanted to be sure everything was alright, but in front of Zell’s insistence, he nodded and followed him. When they went back to bed, Seifer sat and looked at his bedside table. The family portrait was still down. After a moment of hesitation, he took it and looked at the picture. He touched the faces with his trembling fingers and Zell noticed his eyes were full of tears. He grabbed his hand to support him.

“I remember the day when I took this picture…I told myself that I was happy...” began to say Seifer sadly.

“…” Zell didn’t interrupt him. He started to open his heart and they never really talked about this subject. The time had come.

“When I married Melen, she asked me if I wanted to have kids. I told her I didn’t want to…but I lied. I wanted kids but I knew they would have to carry my past on their shoulders…that life would be more difficult for them, and it wasn’t what I wanted…”

“She knew that, right?”

“Yes. My poker face didn’t work with her. Each time I tried to lie, she saw it. She always tried to understand me and why I lied…she knew that I always had a good reason…”

“Contrary to us…” remarked Zell.

Seifer just kissed him on the cheek to make him feel better. Then, he continued his story.

“One day, she came back home and she told me that she had something important to say. I was wondering why she looked so happy…and she showed me a picture. I couldn’t understand what it was and then…she showed me something and said “this is a penis”.”

“??”

“Yeah. I blinked too. And when she told me it was a sonogram, I felt my heart was about to explode…I was so happy…”

“I know what it feels.”

“Was Ben’s birth planned or did your wife get pregnant by accident?”

“No we desired it. We felt we were ready so…”

“I saw him growing up during her pregnancy with the other sonograms. I wondered if I would be a good father, if I was ready…but each time I questioned myself, Melen was there to reassure me.” He made a pause to observe his son on the picture. “When I held him for the first time in my arms, I felt like I was born again. He was touching my fingers with his little hands…he was so fragile…”

Zell could feel Seifer’s sadness in each word he pronounced. The kid died at five…so young.

“It was the best thing it could happen in my life. Every day was joyful. I saw him growing up, his first words, his first steps…the way he came to me when he had a nightmare or when he wanted a hug, the way he welcomed me every time I went back from work, his birthdays…and we had another happiness when Elena was born. He was so nice with her. He always protected her from everything, even against mosquitoes during summer…”

His laughs were full of tears because he was talking about the past…about a time which would never come back.

“And everything stopped…so suddenly. It was as if everything was too nice, too great to be true.”

“What happened? How did they die?”

“A car accident.” Seifer wiped his tears and continued his story. “Melen went to Winhill. Elena needed some clothes and there was a little shop she liked at Dollet, so she took the car and left with Rin. I stayed at home with Elena. It was a long road for her, so it was better to wait for them. But…they never came back…”

“How did they get this accident?”

“Another car hit theirs on the road, in the land between Dollet and Timber…”

“What? In the land?”

“The car hit them just few meters before the entrance of the city; they couldn’t avoid it…I didn’t know what happened because no one told me…”

“But the driver…”

“They said the driver left right away after the impact. The authorities never investigated…I suppose nobody wanted to bother for the family of the sorceress’ knight…I did everything to find this motherfucker but without witness, picture, camera or anything, there was nothing I could do…Plus Lena got sick after the funerals, so I didn’t have the time for the investigation…”

 Zell froze thinking about something personal. But he kept quiet. He was wondering if he wasn’t imagining things…

“This son of bitch took me everything this day…and I could never avenge my family for what he did to us…”

“Did they die…immediately?”

“Melen, yes, but not Rin. He died two hours later, just before I arrived…” Seifer burst in tears. “He was so young! He was a five-years-old kid…why him? Why Melen? Why could it not have been me instead?”

Zell hugged Seifer in his arms. For the first time, he told him everything. He had pronounced the name of his son when he was incapable to say it about few days ago…He passed the whole night crying until he had no tears to shed anymore.

 

 

The next morning.

Zell woke up first. He prepared the breakfast and went to see Seifer when he heard some noises in the bedroom. He sat by his side, caressing his hair tenderly. Seifer was waking up slowly, and kept his eyes closed.

“Morning…” he said, moving in his sleep.

“Morning. Wanna sleep a bit more?”

“Lena and Ben are still asleep?”

“No they’re up.”

“I’m getting up…” He opened his eyes and smiled at Zell, taking his hand. The two men looked at each other, silently. Then, Seifer kissed Zell and turned his head on his left to fix his bedside table. The family portrait wasn’t down. He gave a quick look and let it like this, which surprised Zell.

“Won’t you turn it down?”

“No. I can face it now. It still hurts but…it’s ok now.”

Zell looked relieved. He knew that he had made a big step and the pain was now bearable.

“Thanks for listening and to be there. You’re the first and the only one I talked about Rin. I thought I would never be able to pronounce his name again…”

“You’re brave, Seifer. He can be proud of his dad.”

 

 

Later in the morning, Zell couldn’t help to be thoughtful. He thought and thought again about what Seifer said, and he needed to confirm something. Seifer noticed he wasn’t smiling so he asked him.

“Zell?”

“Huh?”

“Is…everything alright?”

“Yes! Why do you ask?”

“I don’t know. You don’t look fine since this morning…”

“Sorry. It’s nothing.”

“A problem with the Garden maybe?”

Zell found an idea and used this excuse to leave. “Kind of…I’ve something important to do in the garden but looks like they went back to Balamb…”

“If you need to go, don’t worry for me. I hope it’s not serious?”

“No, it’s ok. Nothing serious but something I must check. Besides, Ben needs to go back to school anyway.”

“Need a ride to the station?”

“It would be nice of you, thanks.”

 

Seifer and Elena accompanied Zell and Ben to the station. Seifer wondered if it wasn’t for another reason that Zell needed to leave. Before they went in the wagon, Zell told a last thing to Seifer.

“I’ll be back soon, so take care of yourself and don’t worry too much for Lena, ok?”

“I’ll try.” He moved closer and gave him a hug to whisper to his ear. “I’ll be waiting for you.”

Zell hugged him back, but deep in his heart, he knew after his departure, things would never be the same anymore, especially if what he thought was true…

* * *

 

At the Garden.

The gang had another important meeting with Cid. This time, Edea was also there.

“Thanks for coming. I wish Zell could have been here too because I’ve something important to ask you.” Starting to say Cid.

“I’m sorry, Headmaster. We tried to contact him but he turned off his phone and his mother doesn’t know where he is…” explained Quistis.

“Whatever. So, as you can see, Edea is here today so I’ll let her explain you our request. Darling?”

Edea got up and kissed her husband before speaking. “Thanks. I’m glad all of you are here. I know we went through a lot of things but I wanted to thank you for all what you did for me, despite what…”

“It’s okay, Matron. No need to torture yourself thinking about the past.” Said Irvine.

She smiled, thankful, and she continued to speak. “I came here to ask you a personal request: I’d like to rebuild the orphanage.”

“Why do you wanna do that? I mean, no offence, Matron, but nobody would let you run the orphanage anymore after what happened.” Told Squall.

“I know, Squall. I’ve no intention to do it anyway…even if I’d like to. Esthar proposed people to take care about the future children, but we need to rebuild the place first. We need money, so we have to raise funds and…”

She was cut in the middle of her sentence when the door opened. Zell appeared.

“Sorry to bother the meeting, but I need to talk you, Squall.”

“Oh, Zell…nice to see you.” Said Edea.

“Hi Matron. Squall?”

“Where do you think you’re doing, Zell? You disappear during almost two weeks without a word and you arrive this way, interrupting us and you dare request a talk with me?! Are you serious?” said Squall particularly exasperated.

“I know. I’m sorry for this, but it’s an emergency and I really need to talk to you right now.”

“Then, you’ll wait for the end of the meeting. You interrupted Matron.” Replied Squall firmly.

Zell had no intention to wait. “Did Alyssia call you when she had her accident?”

Everyone frowned.

“What?”

“Did she call you?”

“Why are you asking this for? Why now?”

“Tell me.”

“Zell, listen: I’ve no intention to talk to you right now, so leave now or…”

“You knew the people she killed in the accident, right?”

Squall didn’t know what to say. Zell was talking about something disturbing and he was doing it in front of everybody.

“Why now? It’s almost five years now.”

“I’ve got plenty of time to think about this. Alyssia never wanted to talk about her accident. The only thing she told me was that she had an accident in Dollet and that a woman died.”

“That’s exactly what happened, so there’s nothing else to say.”

“Who was this woman?”

“You know it, right? I forgot her name with the time…”

“She told me her name was Julia Wong and that she had no family, no string attaches…”

“So?”

“I never looked for more details until now. I made some researches. There’s no Julia Wong in the civil registry of Dollet.”

“Maybe she wasn’t from Dollet? What is the point here?”

“I didn’t find her because it wasn’t her name. I wondered why Alyssia lied to me…until I do the connection between her accident and another one which happened the same day, at the same place…and without any witness. So, I ask it again: who was this woman?”

Squall got angry. “I don’t know why Alyssia lied to you, but I have nothing to do with this, so you better stop pestering me with your stupid questions. You make me waste my time.”

“You knew, right?”

Now, Squall was out of patience. “I KNEW WHAT?”

“YOU KNEW SHE WAS SEIFER’S WIFE, RIGHT?”

Everybody froze. “What???”

“You knew it…” replied Zell still fixing Squall. “When Alyssia got her accident, she realized she killed her, so she contacted the emergencies, but she also contacted you. And when you investigated about this woman, you realized she was Seifer’s wife…and you also saw that she hadn’t only killed her in the accident, but also his son…a five-years-old boy…”

Squall got completely disoriented. He kept silent, incapable to pronounce a word.

“So you made the necessary. You buried this. You made a deal with the authorities to be sure that Seifer would never discover what happened to his wife and son and who was responsible of this drama…”

“Squall…is it true?” asked Rinoa.

Zell continued to face him. “Did you hate him that much?”

“This day…you were in mission. You were unreachable. Your wife was responsible of a double death. What was I supposed to do? There was nothing we could do to save them, it was too late. It was an accident and Alyssia blamed herself enough for this. I did it for you, to protect your family…”

“Seifer had a family too. Don’t you think he deserved to know what happened?”

“We’re talking about Seifer Almasy, Zell. I could have let your wife in her mess and what do you think it would have happened then? Seifer would have wanted to avenge his family and he would have rushed to the Garden to kill you and Alyssia.”

“You didn’t do this for us, but for yourself only. You had the perfect opportunity to take your revenge. And you did it.”

Squall was particularly hurt by this comment, so he replied in a nasty way. “Do you have any idea why this accident happened?”

“?” Zell frowned, silently.

“Alyssia was drunk. She had passed the whole night drinking to forget what she did. Your marriage was failing since Ben’s birth and she felt neglected by you, so guess what? During her mission, she went to someone else…”

“You…bloody liar!” Zell was trying to hit him but Squall avoided him.

“That’s what she told to justify the fact she was drunk! She got depressed when she realized what she did and she drowned her guiltiness in alcohol!”

“Liar!!” everybody interposed to calm Zell.

“Zell, calm down!”

“You think I’m the villain here? I wasn’t related to this. She asked me to help her…and I wanted to protect you. I saved your wife, I saved your marriage! So why do you blame me to have protected you?” demanded Squall.

Zell pushed away everybody and found his cool again. “You should have told me…”

“What for? You wouldn’t have brought back Seifer’s family to life…”

“But he deserved to know. Alyssia destroyed his life and she just ran away with your help…”

“Wasn’t she more important than Seifer? He tried to kill us more than once. How could you defend him?”

“Because…I wish to no one what we did to him. Whatever he did in the past, no one deserves this…”

Zell took something in his pocket and deposed it on the table. Squall grabbed it.

“What is it?”

“My resignation letter. I take Ben with me.”

“Zell!”

“You’re…you’re not serious, right?” asked Squall. “You’re not going to quit for this??”

“That’s not the only reason, but let’s say that it encouraged me to take my decision.”

“But…why?”

“I’m tired to this. You don’t have kids so you can’t understand. I want to see my son growing up…Seifer didn’t have this chance. Ben has just me now, so I want to be there for him.”

“Zell, listen…”

“Don’t waste your time to convince me, Squall. It’s useless. I took my decision. I’m leaving. Thanks for everything and…goodbye everyone.”

He left the Garden right away with Ben. Everybody went after him to convince him, but it was too late. Zell was determined. They didn’t have any other choice to accept his decision.

* * *

 

He went back to his mother’s home just a few days. Squall decided to visit him. He needed to have a talk with his friend.

 

One day.

Squall asked to Zell if they could see each other in Balamb, so they met at the pub around a drink. It was during the afternoon. After a long moment of silence, Squall spoke first.

“How did you discover it?”

“I met Seifer about few months ago. We talked and he told me that he was also widowed. We saw each other sometimes and he told me what happened to his wife and son. I thought about it and I made the connection with Alyssia’s accident. I checked the date and…I recalled the date written on the grave of his son and wife…so, I put one and one and that’s how I discovered it.”

“Are you still in contact with Seifer?”

“I was…until my return to the Garden.”

“Did you tell him?”

“No. Actually he has no idea about Alyssia.”

“Are you gonna tell him?”

“Yes…but I don’t know how.”

“You…shouldn’t do that. He will…”

“I won’t tell him you protected Alyssia, don’t worry.”

“That’s not the problem. I just say that…”

“I owe him this, Squall.”

“…” Squall fixed his drink to avoid Zell’s eyes. “How is he?”

“He’s broken…and devastated. Until now, he was even incapable to pronounce the name of his son…I can’t believe Alyssia is responsible of this mess…”

“Don’t blame her, Zell. She felt guilty enough and she’s gone now, so what is the point?”

“Yes you’re right.” Zell smiled at Squall. “Forgive me for my rudeness, last time. I didn’t mean what I said. I know you did this to protect me. I have to confess that in other times, I wouldn’t have reacted that way. I suppose I would have asked you this either…but when I saw Seifer’s pain, I just couldn’t accept it. I had no right to blame you. Thanks for your help and your friendship…”

“You don’t need to thank me. I knew it wasn’t right to do that, but I didn’t want it causes you troubles…”

“Is it why you were so stressed the first time I told you that I saw Seifer at the cemetery?”

“Yeah…I knew there was no chance he could know anything but…I was worried for you.”

“You’re a precious friend, Squall. Thanks.”

“Zell, please, come back to the Garden. This is your place and Ben’s one. Don’t let the past breaking you…”

“No Squall. I’m sorry but I can’t come back. I promise that’s not because of Seifer. It’s just that I don’t want to end like Alyssia. Ben needs me…and even if I become an instructor, one day, Ben will become a SeeD and I don’t want to see him on the battlefield. Besides, he wanted to leave too, so that was the better thing to do.”

“As you wish; looks like no matter what I can say, you won’t change your mind…”

“Thanks for understanding.” Zell played nervously with his fingers. “So…Alyssia cheated on me?”

“I shouldn’t have told you this, but I was hurt to see you thinking that way about me…”

“Never mind. Looks like I was really blind.”

“It was a mistake, Zell. She really loved you…”

“Our marriage was failing and I didn’t see anything. Maybe I didn’t want to?”

“You should stop torturing yourself with this.”

“Yes, you’re right.”

* * *

 

During this time, Seifer was waiting for Zell. There was almost two weeks that he had no news about him and Zell didn’t reply to his message or call. He started to worry and thought maybe Zell ran away because he wasn’t ready to start another relationship and especially with a man.

He was waiting, when he received a letter. He remembered his correspondence with the donor’s family of Lena’s heart. He opened the envelope and started to read:

_“Dear Seifer,_

_As you can guess, I discovered your name. Doctor Marisa didn’t tell me anything, so don’t blame her. I understood it because we shared a lot of private moments lately, so you will understand quickly who I am too. There’re a lot of things I need to tell you and to be honest, I didn’t know how to say it. After reading this letter, I know you will hate me. I’m not afraid of you, but I feel too ashamed to face you right now. I can’t possibly tell you this out loud; I can’t even hear your voice, so I chose this coward way to say it._

_There’s something I never told you about my wife. About five years ago, she had a terrible accident. She was drunk when she took the road…and hit another car, at the exit of Dollet. I was in mission at this time, so I wasn’t around. She told me someone died in the accident: a woman. That’s all. She never wanted to talk about this, and I didn’t try to know more…until you told me about Melen and Rin’s death…you got it right? Alyssia was the one who killed your son and your wife in the accident. My wife is responsible to have destroyed your whole life. I couldn’t accept it…especially after have seen by my own eyes how much it affected you. I can’t explain how bad I felt when I got it. I know there’s nothing I can say or do to get your forgiveness…I’m terribly sorry for what she did to your family, Seifer. I couldn’t stay by your side, knowing that. You deserved to know…and even if I realize that that you know, you will hate me, I owed you this._

_But there’s another thing you must know. The heart that’s beating in your daughter’s chest is also from Alyssia. My wife didn’t die immediately as you know and I waited for eight months to let her go. She was an organ donor so I didn’t know Doctor Marisa took her organs…I was happy to receive your first letter and to know that her death managed to save other people, including Lena._

_I recalled what you said to me one day: things never happen by chance. You were right. It was probably the fate which reunited us…I could have let her die before, but I waited for eight months to take this decision…maybe Lena wouldn’t have received it before? Who knows? But I want to convince myself that it was our fate to meet again…and it was Alyssia’s fate to save Elena after have taken her mother and her brother’s lives…I don’t think you can call this even…it would never erase what Alyssia did to you, so I take the responsibility of what she did. I beg for your forgiveness...I’m truly sorry and if one day you want to take your revenge, I’ll be there. I won’t run away. I’m just asking you to not turn your hatred to Ben. He has nothing to do with this…but knowing you, I’m sure you wouldn’t do that._

_Last, I want to tell you that…I was happy with you. You helped me when I was down. You understood what I felt as no one could do. The time we passed as lovers was…unforgettable. I will cherish this memory for the rest of my life and I can tell you now I know we’ll probably never see each other again: I love you. I’ve been so happy with you. Thanks for everything._

_Please, forgive me, but it was too hard to say face to face. I’ll never forget you._

_Zell.”_

With this letter, there were also the other ones that Seifer and Zell exchanged when they didn’t know each other. Seifer let the letters dropping on the flour and literally fell on his knees, with the shock, crying. Now he knew what happened to Melen and Rin…but he also lost the one he loved…

 

* * *

 

Days passed and Seifer tried to go back to his daily routine with Elena. But the little girl didn’t stop asking about Zell and Ben.

One night during the dinner.

“Dad?”

“Yes sweetie?”

“Can we go to Balamb to see Ben and Zell?”

“No, Lena. They’re…busy.”

“But they will come back to see us, right?”

“No. They won’t come back anymore…” Seifer felt bad to think about this.

“But…why? I wanna see Zell and Ben again.”

“Sometimes we don’t do what we want, Elena. Finish your dinner.”

The little girl began to cry and left the table running to her room.

“Lena!” Seifer went after her. He joined her in her bedroom. She was laid on her stomach, crying, head pressed against her pillow. “Sweetie…”

The poor father didn’t know what to say to comfort her. He knew Ben was her best and only friend; He also missed Zell terribly…but after what he told him in his last letter, things couldn’t be the same anymore.

“I’m sorry, Lena…”

Nothing could comfort the kid. She continued to cry until she fell asleep. Seifer couldn’t help to feel guilty, but there was nothing he could do to change things.

* * *

 

One month later.

Seifer was working in his shop. He was still thinking about Zell, but he didn’t find the strength to call him. Besides, he wondered what he could tell him knowing the situation between them. But he saw each passing day Elena’s pain growing up. She stayed most of her time with Mani. She lost her smile and whatever Seifer could do, it didn’t work; she wasn’t mad at him, but she missed Ben. Plus she could see Seifer missed also Zell and she couldn’t understand why they couldn’t see them again.

He was working, trying with despair to forget his situation, when he heard the bell of the shop ringing. He was still on his back and didn’t turn back, finishing cutting his flowers.

“I’m coming in a minute.”

“Hi Seifer.”

The blonde recognized the voice. He hadn’t heard it since a long time ago…but he never forgot it. He turned around slowly and saw his old friend.

“Long time no see, Man…”

“Hi…Raijin.”

“Can we have a word together please?”

Passing the surprise, Seifer nodded and invited him upstairs, in his home. He closed the shop and they went to the kitchen to have a drink.

“I’m glad to see you. You look good…” began to say Raijin.

“Why are you here?” asked directly Seifer, still on his back to fill their cup with coffee.

Raijin crossed his hands and looked down. “I…missed you.”

“…” Seifer didn’t reply. He wasn’t convinced at all.

“Do you still hate me?”

“As far as I can recall, you were the one who hated me…”

“Yeah…but I never wanted to hurt you this way…”

“…”

Raijin managed to find the strength to face Seifer, looking at him in the eyes. “When we discovered that Fujin was dying, I couldn’t accept this. I suppose I needed someone to blame…and you became this someone…”

“She was also my friend, Raijin. Did you think I accepted it so easily?”

“No…but it was too hard to face it. I couldn’t accept that even in her state, she was still worrying for you. I got jealous…I loved her so much…”

“I knew you were in love with her.”

“Since…when?”

“Always. I wasn’t blind, Raijin…And Fujin wasn’t either.”

“What??”

“She knew it…but when she realized it too late.”

“She loved you more…”

“No. She loved the both of us, but differently. She loved me as a brother.”

“And she loved me as a simple friend.”

“As a lover.” Corrected Seifer. “But as I told you, she realized her feelings for you too late.”

Raijin smiled sadly. “You don’t need to lie now, Seifer.”

“Do you know why she never told you? It’s because she didn’t want to break your heart. She was condemned and she didn’t want to see you passing the rest of your life crying for her…she thought it was easier for you to hate than to cry her…”

“I don’t understand. What do you mean?”

Seifer sighted. “She made you jealous, talking about me and requesting my presence by her side all the time. She wanted to make you believe you were nothing for her…but in the end, it turned you against me and she felt bad for this. She didn’t think you would hate me that much after that, so she told me everything. I accepted this because I knew it was what she wanted for you…and because I knew you needed someone to hate to appease your pain. Besides…”

“Besides?”

“You weren’t completely wrong when you told me that she neglected her health thinking about me all the time. I was the one who dragged you two in this mess and I never considered even for a second that you would pay the consequences of my choice…I ruined your life, so I thought I deserved your hatred.”

Raijin moved closer and faced Seifer. He was almost crying. “I never knew…”

“It was useless to tell you. It would have hurt you more than you were already.”

“I expressed my hatred and my pain on you, my friend…forgive me, Seifer.”

“There’s nothing to forgive, Raijin.”

The big guy held his hand to his friend, smiling, and when Seifer took it, Raijin dragged him in his arms.

“I missed you so much…”

“Me too, Raijin.”

They took the time to find each other, in a friendly embrace. Yes, Seifer thought about Raijin more than once and he missed the time they messed up together with Fujin. Time and life had divided them for almost ten years…

After this emotional moment, they went back to their talk.

“So, did you come to see me only for that reason?”

“No, actually, I’m gonna marry soon.”

“Oh really? Sounds great. Congratulations!”

“Thanks. So since you’re a florist, maybe you could make my fiancé’s bouquet?”

“Sure! I’ll be delighted.”

“And…would you like to be there for our wedding and to be my witness?”

Seifer got surprised.”Are you…serious?”

“Yes; I want you to be there by my side. I finally found someone I love and I want to share this precious moment with my best friend. You have always been my only family, Seifer. I want you to be there. Please.”

Seifer smiled, touched by his request. “Won’t it bother your fiancé?”

“No. She knows who you are and she trusts me. It’s very important for me. So? What is your answer?”

“Ok. I’ll be your witness. Thanks for choosing me.”

“It couldn’t have been anyone else than you. That’s why I wanted to make up again with you.”

“I’m glad you thought about me.”

“There’s one more thing I’d like to ask you…”

“Yes?”

“I want to visit Fujin’s grave together, with you.”

The two men looked at each other, and without a word, they both decided to go to Balamb. They had to show to Fujin the posse was now restored.

 

* * *

 

Three days later.

Seifer took the train with Lena for Balamb. He planned to meet Raijin there. It was also a good opportunity to visit Melen and Rin. He had prepared flowers for the both of them. Mani came with them. During the road, Seifer thought a lot about these last months and the way his life changed. So many things happened so fast…wasn’t time for him to turn the page and to move on too?

When they arrived at the cemetery, Raijin was already there, waiting at the entrance. He met for the first time Elena. He was also accompanied with his fiancé, Shu. She met Seifer and thanked him for her bouquet and his presence at their wedding. She was nice and kind. Seifer knew Raijin would be happy with her and he was reassured to see she accepted his friendship with him. 

Shu and Lena stayed away to give them so privacy; the two men went to Fujin’s grave.

“Hi Fuu. Long time no see. But I didn’t come alone this time. Look who came with me.”

“Hi Fujin.” Seifer deposed the flowers on the grave.

“We made up again with Seifer. It took me a long time…I’m sorry. We should have come to see you together sooner.”

“You can be reassured for us now. We miss you but we’re not alone anymore. So you can rest in peace.” Added Seifer.

“Thank you for all what you did for us, Fuu. We’ll love you for the rest of our life.”

 

When they finished, Raijin and Shu were about to leave.

“I’m gonna stay here. There’re other people I need to see…” explained Seifer.

“I know…I’m sorry, man. I didn’t want to talk about this the last time I saw you…”

“You knew about my wife and son?”

“Yes…Actually, Zell told me when I met him about one month ago.”

“Zell…told you?”

“Yes. I think he wanted to encourage me to talk with you. We met here. He was visiting his wife…he looked very worried and sad for you.”

Seifer smiled thinking about Zell. Even far away from him, he was still protecting him.

“You need to move on, Seifer. I know it’s hard for you after what you already endured…but you have the right to be happy, so move on.”

“Thanks for this good advice. I’ll remember it.”

Raijin and Shu left, letting Seifer and Elena together. They started to see Rin. Seifer brought him another toy and deposed it on the grave, with some flowers.

“Hi Rin. I hope you do take care of Mama there.”

Then, he turned his attention on Melen’s grave. “Hi Darling. Lena is fine. I was worried about the heart transplant but as you can see by yourself, she’s perfectly healthy. I’m watching her very carefully, so don’t worry.”

Lena after have said hello to her mom and brother moved away with Mani, letting her dad alone.

“I think Raijin is right. I need to move on. I’m sure you will understand.” He touched the grave with melancholy. “I love you.”

Seifer looked at Lena from his position. He hesitated a bit, then, he got up and moved to another grave. This time, he had no flowers to depose on. He fixed the name on the grave with a dark face. Alyssia Dincht.

“I’ll never forgive you for what you’ve done to my family…but I don’t forget Lena is still alive thanks to your heart, so we can say we are even.” He gave another look to his daughter and fixed the grave again. He said something mentally and didn’t pronounce it out loud, before turning around.

“Lena. Let’s go.”

The kid joined her father. “Are we going back to Timber?”

“Not immediately.”

“Ah?”

He just wicked at her with a malicious smile.

* * *

 

Miss Dincht was preparing the dinner when she heard the bell ringing. She wondered if it was Zell, so she stopped what she was doing and went to open the door. She got surprised when she saw a man with a little girl. A man she knew…as everybody.

“Hi. Sorry to bother you but is Zell around please?” asked Seifer.

“Hum..no. He doesn’t live here. He just visits me sometimes.”

“Oh. I see. Do you know if he still works at the Garden?”

“No he left the Garden. He’s working at the weapon shop now.”

“Thank you.”

Seifer and Elena waved at the woman and left. They went to the weapon store and the owner told them that Zell already finished his day. He left about ten minutes ago to look for his son at school. Seifer didn’t want to meet him there, so he asked his personal address. The owner was a nice woman and she thought seeing the little girl with Seifer that she could tell him.

 

 

Ben went out of school and joined his father.

“Hi Son. How was school?”

“Fine…” the kid didn’t feel very well.

Since they left Timber, Ben was sad. He asked often about Elena and Seifer, but each time, Zell told him the same thing.

“Something’s wrong, Ben?”

“I wanna see Lena and Seifer…”

Zell rolled his eyes. “We already talked about this. That’s enough.”

“Lena is my only friend!”

“You’re gonna make other friends at school, don’t worry…”

“I don’t want other friends!”

“Stop talking back right now, Ben!” Zell got exasperated and warned his son. “I told you we can’t see them again, so you better watch your attitude if you don’t want to be punished!”

The boy pouted and stopped talking. He was almost crying.

Zell felt bad to hurt his son this way, but it was also really hard for him to think about Seifer. Besides, he felt lonely…

 

When they arrived at the port, near of their house, they heard a dog yapping.

“MANI!!” called Ben, releasing his father’s hand.

“Ben!!” Elena rushed to him.

“LENA!!” Ben ran to her, happy and the kids held each other. Mani was turning around them yapping.

Zell saw Seifer getting up slowly from the bench. He was smiling at him. He said hello to Ben who was in his way and joined Zell, who stayed frozen on the same place.

“Hi.”

“H..Hi. What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to talk with you. Your mother told me where you were working. I didn’t want to come at Ben’s school to not bother you…people still remember me here.”

Zell was out of words. He was really embarrassed; he didn’t expect Seifer’s visit.

“Can we have a little talk together at your home?”

“Sure…”

 

Everybody went to Zell and Ben’s home. The kids didn’t waste any time and went to Ben’s bedroom to play with Mani. Seifer laughed seeing them.

“Looks like they’re happy to see each other again…I wish it could be mutual for us.”

Zell looked down. “I suppose you went to visit Melen and Rin’s graves?”

“I did it, yes, but it wasn’t intentionally only for them that we came here. I came for Fujin…with Raijin.”

Zell smiled, relieved. “So…you two made up again?”

“You should know it better than anyone since it’s thanks to you.”

The other man blushed. He bit his lips nervously. Seifer smiled seeing his reaction. He moved closer and touched his tattooed cheek.

“How could you have possibly thought I could hate you after all what you did for me?”

“You know why…”

“You’re not responsible of what your wife did.”

“But I’ve never tried to know more…”

“Zell, look at me.”

He raised his head with shame and tears in the eyes.

“Look what you did for me since you arrived in my life: you made me pass through my pain from Melen and Rin’s death, you brought me friendship and love and you even made me up with my best friend.”

“You did all these things yourself.”

“I wouldn’t have done it without you.”

“…”

“I thought I could help you when I saw you again. But in the end, you were the one who saved me from myself. I was incapable to pronounce the name of my own son, I was living in my past, thinking about Melen all the time and I was living in the despair hoping for a transplant for Lena. If you hadn’t taken this decision, I would have killed myself to give my heart to Lena…and she would be an orphan today.”

“…do you see yourself living with the husband of the woman who destroyed your life?”

“I can’t forgive her for that, that’s true. But you found the strength to tell me this and you did all of this for me without knowing anything. Do you think I could forget that?”

“Seifer, I feel so ashamed to…”

Seifer cut him with a kiss. Then, he looked at him in the eye. “Do you still love me?”

Zell blushed but decided to be honest. “I do.”

“That makes the two of us, because I love you too. So, yes, I perfectly see myself living with you.”

 

The end.


End file.
